It's too late
by strwbrygrl77
Summary: 1st in Trilogy. What happens to bring Marshall to the breaking point? Will he really leave Albuquerque and Mary behind? A partnership/romance fic set throughout their relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here we go, everybody, another epic! This has been "in the works" for awhile now. My Marshall muse was demanding a story since I wrote 'What's in a Name' - since it was such a Mary-centric story. I was aiming for a one-shot originally but the best laid plans. . . . anyway, blame my inner Marshall voice. This is all his fault, really! Spoilers through S3 (When Mary met Marshall). In this story, Marshall is the one who gets shot in 'Don't Cry'.**

**This chapter HURTS - you might want a hanky. Just a warning. Also, I don't own 'em - just play with 'em!

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"_Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."--__Ambrose__ Bierce

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_And I need you like a heart needs a beat  
But it's nothing new.  
I loved you with a fire red-  
Now it's turning blue, and you say...  
'Sorry' like the angel heaven let me think was you  
but I'm afraid...  
It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late —__**Apologize, by One Republic

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_**Labor Day, 2009**_

Being in the hospital on a federal holiday was just like being in the hospital on any other day – it was dull. Of course since my mom was still in town, fussing over me, and saying how lucky I was to be alive, and that took some of the edge off my boredom. But even so, I was itching to be up and out of this sterile environment. I needed to get back on my feet, tie up the loose ends with my witnesses and figure out a way to break the news to Mary about my decision. Getting shot in the gut had postponed my time of departure from Albuquerque, but I would still be leaving.

I had spoken on the phone to my new boss just this morning and everything was falling into place for my transfer. Stan was hopping mad about my decision, however, and was pushing me to give explanations that I just couldn't put into words for him. Eleanor seemed to understand – hell, she had been a witness to Mary and my strained working relationship the past few months and I had a feeling that her woman's intuition was doing overtime to fill in any blanks. When Stan left my room yesterday afternoon, he asked me if I had told Mary the news yet and when I shook my head, he had looked at me like I was a man about to face a firing squad.

"You'd better tell her soon. I'm going to have to file your request and then it will be public knowledge and she's going to hit the roof, Marshall."

My nurse Eve had brought the dinner tray twenty minutes ago but nothing on it looked appealing. I suddenly realized that I was listening for the sound of Mary's heels on the linoleum floor and I made the conscious effort to relax against the pillow. My stomach growled in hunger and in resignation I picked up the custard cup and took a bite just as I heard the familiar rhythmic tap of boot heels outside. She was here, and she was pissed off. _Well, either one of our witnesses has screwed up their new lives or she knows._

I took a deep breath and looked up to meet her gaze and instantly wished I hadn't. Her eyes were rock hard, like pieces of green jade, but even from across the room I could see they were unnaturally bright with unshed tears. She leaned against the doorjamb, her hair pulled into a messy ponytail, and she was already dressed down in a pair of sweat pants and over-sized sweater. I waved my custard cup at her. "Hungry? I'm not sure about the rest of my fine dining cuisine, but the custard isn't too bad." I waited a few seconds before adding, "You know, those shoes don't go with those pants."

"Don't start with me. Do you know the kind of day I've had? Raph woke me up early because he thought we could spend the whole day together planning our wedding since today's a holiday and neither of us had to work. Dumbass didn't take it too well when I told him that of course I had to work today!" Mary crossed the room but didn't take her usual seat at the foot of my bed. I noticed this instantly and my heart began to hammer in my chest. "After our screaming match, I made the rounds to our witnesses, mine and yours naturally since you're still laid up in here, finishing up at the Donaldson's."

I tried to suppress my grin, knowing that it would only bring on her wrath. "How are Emily, Emma, and Ella?" I asked, really wanting to know about Jim and Sara's four-year-old triplet girls.

Mary leveled her laser beam gaze on me but the tears were still there and I felt the coil of fear keep building in my stomach. _Wait, just wait. She'll tell me. _"Jim and Sara said to tell you hello and the girls made you get well cards." She dug in her shoulder bag and threw them on the bed. They landed in a colorful heap on my knees.

"Mer, what's going on?"

"You'll never guess what happened next. As the girls were showing off their artwork and climbing all over me and playing with my hair and screaming and laughing, Emily threw up all down the front of me. That's why these pants don't go with these shoes – they're from my go bag in the car. But that's not the worst thing that happened today. You know what happened next?" Mary tilted her head to the side and reached into her bag, pulling out another sheet of paper. She held it in trembling fingers, holding it out to me but refusing to meet my gaze.

"I was going to tell you."

"When?"

"I don't know – this isn't something I can just _tell _you! I was trying to think of the right way."

"Damn it, Doofus! I was looking for another one of those damn forms that you always seem to have in abundance because you do all the paperwork but since you're out I have to do it so I went to your desk and what do I find?" She paused to clear her throat and her eyes drifted shut. "Tell me this is one of your unfunny jokes, Marshall. Tell me that this is just a rough draft of a resignation and not the real thing."

"I'm not resigning from WitSec, Mer. But I am transferring to the office in Seattle."

Mary's eyes finally met mine and for the longest time she merely looked at me without saying anything. I have to admit that I was surprised and a little worried by her silence, wondering if my words had sent her into shock. I had fully expected her to fly into a rage. Perhaps she was going to take it easy on me because I was still recovering. I had almost died this time, after all, and I knew that she was carrying a heavy load of guilt because I was lying in this bed instead of her. Finally she tossed her head and gave a snort of disgust.

"Seattle? That's just crazy, string bean. It rains eleven months of the year up there. You'll never see the sun again. You'll turn into a vampire. You'll have to buy a whole new wardrobe – no more boots and belt buckles for you, cowboy," Mary shook her head at me, like she was talking to a misguided little child.

I sighed. So this was going to be her first tactic. She was reasoning with me, trying to get me to see the light. "Do you know how many myths you just stated? I'm not going to turn into a blood sucking vampire because I'm leaving the desert and moving to what you think is a dark and gloomy city on the water. Seattle actually does have four seasons, you know. I'm pretty sure one of them is summer when the sun shines and it gets warm and it doesn't rain every day. And just because I'm not living in the Southwest anymore, well, that doesn't mean I can't take my boots and belt buckles with me. I'll still be on the West Coast and I'm sure Seattle will have other cowboys besides me," I rattled off my list with a tight grin and ate another spoonful of custard.

Mary had been impatiently tapping one foot during my spiel and I knew that I had won round one. I prepared myself for her next salvo. "It's still crazy, string bean. I mean, you're still going to be in the hospital another couple of days. And then you're looking at a couple weeks' down time at home, followed by a couple of months light duty. Who knows if the job offer will still be open after all that? Maybe they need the position filled now and won't be willing to wait for your sorry ass to get well."

I tried to put a lid on my anger, knowing that she was deliberately baiting me. She wanted me to get riled up, to fight back, so that I would say something I would regret and in the end hope I would give in and call Stan and tell him I was staying. _Sorry Mer, it's not going to work this time. We've been down this road too many times. It's gone too far; it's too late to turn back now. _"Actually, I talked to my new boss in Seattle this morning. I told him about the shooting, as much as I could anyway, and that my departure time was going to be delayed until possibly the first week in November. I asked if that was going to be a problem and he was very understanding. He said that we'll work out the details later but he's expecting me then." I licked my spoon and set it and the now empty custard cup back on my tray. I noticed that Mary's breathing had accelerated, her chest was rising and falling rapidly and her eyes were darting about the room. I recognized the classic signs of the 'fight or flight' response and I willed my own body not to respond. _Strike two, Mer. You gonna take another swing or are you gonna run?_

I watched as Mary turned sharply on her heel and crossed the room to my door. But instead of walking out, she poked her head into the corridor, scanned the hallway and then shut the door firmly. She leaned her head against the wood and without turning to face me she whispered words that I had to lean forward to catch, "You said you'd stay with me."

_And there it is! Now we get down and dirty! _"That's not exactly how I remember it," I said clearly, not mincing words.

She whirled on a heel to face me, her eyebrows raised in surprise. "What do you mean? Maybe your memory is faulty because you were bleeding out at the time!" she snapped.

"There's nothing wrong with my memory. You said and I quote 'Well, that's your job and you cannot quit'. And I said 'Ok'. I didn't say I'd stay with you, Mary. You _told_ me to stay with you and I didn't fight you."

"Why are you doing this? Quibbling over who said what to whom?"

I scrubbed a hand over my face wearily. "Because I'm tired, Mer. I'm tired of you calling the shots when we're partners, when we've always been equal partners, but you act like you have some kind of seniority over me. I'm tired of doing all of our paperwork and not even getting a 'thank you' from you in return. I'm tired of running two steps after you for the past six years and praying you won't get shot before I can cover you because you won't take five minutes to stop and think before you act. I'm tired of running interference for you with your family. I'm tired of wondering if that soon-to-be husband of yours is going to spill the beans about me and my job to the wrong people one day after the two of you have had a shouting match. I'm tired, Mer, and I'm done." I leaned back against my pillow wearily, shaking from head to foot, a bead of sweat breaking out across my brow. I couldn't believe that I had gotten all that out or that she had let me.

She was still standing in front of the door and staring at me like a deer caught in headlights, barely breathing and eyes unblinking. After a minute I saw her take a deep breath and gather herself. She slowly began advancing on my bed and her words came out low and fast and furious, "Someone has to call the shots in our partnership, Marshall, because if I left it up to you, you would just talk trivia and other useless crap to the witnesses and nothing would get done. You like to run behind me because you like to look at my ass and don't even pretend that you don't and you're only two steps behind me when I let you drive. Otherwise you're out of the car first running into the danger. Thank you for doing our paperwork, I appreciate it more than you know. My family is a disease that affects everyone they come in contact with so naturally you're tainted by association, sorry." Mary shrugged her shoulders and leaned over me, her breath hot in my face. "But my telling Raphael what I do for a living had nothing to do with you, Doofus."

I was trying really hard to listen to her statements, take them at face value and not react, but her last one sent me over the edge. I leaned forward so that my face was inches from hers and the thought flitted through my mind that it was ironic that kissing her was the last thing on my mind at that moment. "The hell it doesn't! You exposed both of us when you told him you worked in Witness Protection! Not just you! Damn it, Mary! I can't even go out of town or leave you alone for a few minutes without you doing something completely asinine!" I collapsed back against my bed, clutching my stomach as the door opened.

My nurse Eve poked her head in. "Marshall, is everything ok in here? I heard raised voices and you seem to be holding your stomach now." She crossed quickly to my side, moved my hand and pushed my gown up to inspect the bandage.

"I'm fine, Eve. But could I have something for the pain?"

"Let me check your chart and I'll be back, ok?" Eve glanced at Mary. "Perhaps you should come back later."

Mary bared her teeth and Eve instinctively backed up a step but I put my hand on her arm reassuringly. "Mary won't be staying much longer." Eve nodded and beat a hasty retreat. I turned back to Mary. "I think we're done here."

"Marshall-"

"Mary, I think we've said all there is to say."

"So, that's it? You're leaving? I guess I'm right about people after all, even you!"

"What are you talking about?" I was genuinely confused.

"No one stays – everyone leaves me sooner or later." I could hear the tears in her voice and I refused to meet her eyes. If I did I knew that the fragile wall I had built around my heart would crumble and I would reach for her.

"Yes, Mary, I guess you're right." I sighed. "Do you want to sing the song?"

"Fuck you, Marshall!"

_You already did that, Mer. That's what started this final landslide._ I closed my eyes against the anguish in her voice as she fled the room, and I heard the sound of a near collision with Eve in the hallway. I jumped guiltily as a hand lightly touched my forearm.

"Marshall? I've brought something for the pain. Are you sure you're all right?"

I looked up into Eve's worried face and tried to give her a reassuring grin but I had no idea how convincing it came off. "I just need to get some sleep. I'll take these and try and get some rest. My mom should be stopping by after awhile to check on me."

Eve placed a glass of water in my hand and I took the medication. She helped me get comfortable and then turned off the lights and left me to my thoughts. I closed my eyes and hoped relief would come soon for the physical discomfort. I had no disillusions about my mental and emotional anguish, however. That pain had been a part of me for so long that I wondered what it would be like to live without it. I let the memories of the past six years flood my mind. In the beginning, everything had been so full of promise. . . .

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**Ouch! Didn't you wonder if Marshall had a breaking point though? Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

***A/N - I couldn't leave you all hanging in such a painful place for too long. Especially since I already had this chapter mostly written and posted as a one-shot on the Mary_Marshall community. We're going to be traveling back in time now through their partnership. Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.**

**BIG spoiler alert for the S3 episode "When Mary met Marshall" (Oh, and I had to incorporate Maggie from 'Pie in the Sky' - because I love her!)  


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"_Friendship isn't a big thing – it's a million little things." – Unknown

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_What would you think if I sang out of tune?_

_Would you stand up and walk out on me?_

_Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song_

_And I'll try not to sing out of key._

_Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends_

_Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends_

_Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends_

_What do I do when my love is away?_

_Does it worry you to be alone?_

_How do I feel by the end of the day?_

_Are you sad because you're on your own?** -- With a little help from my friends, The Beatles

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_**2003**_

I don't hold any false belief that I make a good first impression. My name is Marshall and I happen to be a Marshal – that garners enough jokes when I meet people. They take one look at my pencil-thin, lanky frame, complete with belt buckle and cowboy boots and you can imagine the nicknames they come up with for me on the spot. But on that fateful day in 2003 when I met Mary Shannon from the Fugitive Task Force, I will be a gentleman and refrain from telling you my first impressions of her. I did however think she was crazier than the fugitive after my witnesses and I believe I called her 'Mary Sunshine' at one point. This was _not_ a term of endearment. So I was not exactly turning cartwheels when our bosses told me that I had to have a female chaperone for Claudia and Mary Shannon would be the one accompanying us on our three day road trip across the country.

But you know the saying, "A funny thing happened on the way to . . . ?" Well, a funny thing _did _happen on the way to Albuquerque. Actually, there was more than one thing. Mary Shannon and I didn't kill each other, Henry and Claudia got engaged due to Mary's involvement, and I came to the conclusion that WitSec might be just the perfect job for Marshal Shannon. You could have knocked me over with a feather when Henry told me he was following Mary's advice when he proposed to Claudia. I still don't know what she said to him but it certainly seemed to make quite the lasting impression on Henry. By the time we all arrived safe and sound in New Mexico, I knew I had found my new partner.

Stan thought I had lost my mind on that road trip. The last time he had heard from me I was telling him how crazy this girl was and now I was telling him to "snap her up". He accused me of suffering from Stockholm syndrome. I just laughed and gave him the highlights of the trip and watched his body language change from disbelief to understanding.

"Hey, crazy man. Let's make tracks for the airport." Mary called out as she crossed the office.

Stan glanced at me and then said, "Inspector Shannon, could I see you in my office for a minute, please?"

Mary Shannon of the Fugitive Task Force glared at me and made a threatening, and slightly obscene, gesture but I just beamed at her. _Well, I just might have caught a tiger by the tail but our partnership will never be boring!

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_**Maggie's Pie Shop**_

I pulled into a parking space in front of Maggie's and watched in amusement as Mary Shannon's face creased into a scowl.

"We're here," I announced as I threw the truck into park, set the brake and opened my door.

"Where's 'here' exactly? Because I don't think this is the airport, unless it has also gone into the witness protection program, dumbass," she snarled.

"Are you always this cranky on three hours of sleep?" I laughed as I came around the front of the truck and stood on the sidewalk. Mary had opened her door but was still sitting inside the cab, looking at the front of the pie shop with an angry, slightly glazed expression on her face. I stepped closer, resting one hand on my hip and the other on the top of her open car door. Leaning down slightly, I pitched my voice a bit lower in concern. "Are you feeling all right, Inspector Shannon? Is there anything you need?"

I saw something akin to astonishment flash through her eyes before Mary snorted in derision and rocked to her feet so quickly that I had to step back to avoid a collision. "Listen here, string bean. Not that you need to know this for future reference since we won't be working together in the future but I need at least _four_ hours of sleep a night to function like a normal human being. If that isn't possible, you better find me some coffee and keep it coming. And if you want me to last the day without jitters and biting your head off you better feed me too."

I tried to suppress my grin, without much success. "So since we're just making a stop on the way to the airport, getting more sleep is out. So you need-" and I deliberately trailed off, waiting to see if she would finish my sentence.

Mary crossed her arms over her chest and looked up at me defiantly. _Huh, I bet she hates that. She probably wears heels most of the time so she doesn't have to look up at people. _

"Coffee and food," she said through clenched teeth.

"I think I can help you with that." Without waiting to see if she would follow me, I strode over to Maggie's front door and opened it. I heard Mary's exhaled breath behind me and then her footsteps, so I entered knowing she was right on my heels. As my eyes adjusted to the difference in lighting, my senses were filled with the wonderful aromas of the small bakery. I heard a small squeal off to my right and braced myself as a tall, willowy shape engulfed me.

"Marshall! It's been a month since you've been by – I was afraid you'd found another pie shop!"

"Now, Maggie, you know you've got nothing to worry about! You know you make the best pies in Albuquerque."

I stepped back from the woman's embrace and turned to introduce Mary. Her face gave me pause, however. I quaked in dread of what was going to fly out of her mouth. I'd known the woman for less than a week and I already knew that she was capable of saying anything to anyone at anytime. I watched Mary's eyes take in Maggie's tall hourglass figure – including her large _assets_ – and tried not to groan. I just waited.

Mary finally turned to me and said overly sweet, "Girlfriend?"

I felt myself grow hot but Maggie laughed prettily. "No, darlin'- nothing like that. Although any girl would be pleased and proud to have you on their arm and that's for sure," Maggie squeezed my arm and I know I blushed this time.

"I think you're trying to kiss the blarney stone, lass," I teased. "Maggie, this is Inspector Mary Shannon. She's a fellow marshal."

"I'm pleased to meet you." Maggie stuck her hand out and Mary took it, hesitantly. "I met Marshall on my way into town three years ago. He's been a lifesaver – really helped turn my life around."

I glanced at Mary and saw her roll her eyes at Maggie's explanation of how we met and knew that the meaning wasn't lost on her. But that's why I had brought her to Maggie's in the first place – well, that and the pies. "Maggie, we need a pot of coffee and some pie, lass. What's fresh and hot?"

"I just took some peach melba ones out about thirty minutes ago. They should be ready to serve – why don't you grab a booth and I'll bring you a couple of slices and your coffee?"

I turned to Mary. "Is that all right with you? We have plenty of time before your flight."

She shrugged. "I guess so. I'm hungry and you said you'd feed me but – pie?"

Maggie laughed gaily again as she headed for the kitchen. "As my granny used to say 'Pie makes everything better'."

Mary looked after her in disbelief and then leaned her head towards me and whispered, "Where have you taken me, Marshall? I feel like I'm in the middle of a freaking 'Pollyanna' movie or something."

"It's the air, remember? No pollution allows us all to think more clearly and be happier, lighter on our feet," I said and danced a few steps to the booth.

"I think my first assessment of you was right – you're fucking crazy." Mary shook her head as her cell phone rang and she snapped it open without looking at the caller ID. "Hello? Squish, what is it now? What? WHAT? I can't believe you gave her my number – there was a perfectly good reason why I didn't give her my number, Squish! I didn't want to talk to her! She'll call me all the time now, interrupting me when I'm working and – look, I can't talk about this right now. No, I'm not in New Jersey. I told you, I'm working, I'm on the road. I don't know when I'll be back. I'll call you later. I know you're sorry. Bye."

During her phone conversation, I had studiously avoided making eye contact with her, trying to give her some amount of privacy. Mary had gotten increasingly upset, her voice had gotten louder and louder and by the time she hung up the phone her eyes were bright with unshed tears. Maggie had returned with our order during this time and glancing between us, she set it down on the table and left again without a word. Mary collapsed into the seat across from me and I poured her a cup of coffee and she stared blankly at the second button from the top of my shirt for fifteen minutes without saying anything. I slowly worked my way through two cups of coffee and was on my second piece of pie before she finally spoke, never taking her eyes off my button.

"My sister gave my mother my cell phone number."

I didn't know what to say. I knew that in the few conversations we had had so far that she and her mother were not on the best of terms, that her mom was drunk most of the time and that her sister was a mess most of the time was well. I got the feeling that Mary had been the caretaker of them for a long time and that she was tired of all the responsibility.

"I know that it isn't even an issue for you because you talk to your mom every day and I'm sure that they are wonderful conversations. They probably even end with 'I love you' and you really mean the words. But my mom calls me all the time, at all the wrong times, just to talk. She's always drunk – oh not always roaring drunk, sometimes she's just pleasantly tipsy. But she calls me her baby or 'sweet pea' and she always, always wants something." Mary snorted in disgust and her eyes flitted briefly up to mine. "She never asks me if I want something – no one ever asks me that. God, I hate my life." Mary slumped forward and buried her face in her arms on the table.

I cleared my throat nervously. "So, change it."

Mary raised her face and I wasn't surprised to see that the tears hadn't escaped her eyes. "Change what?"

"Your life. Remember at the gas station when I said that witness protection was a chance to start over, wipe the slate clean? Well, Stan offered you a job today-"

"In WimpSec? As your partner? I don't think so." Mary shook her head and for the first time took a bite of pie. I watched in unabashed delight as her eyes rolled back in her head and she moaned. "Oh my God, this pie is amazing!"

"See? There's another reason to stay – Maggie's pies. You like chocolate, don't you? You haven't even tried her famous chocolate peanut butter."

Mary looked at me thoughtfully over her next bite. "I don't work with partners – or rather, they don't work with me. Surely you checked out my service record before you pitched your asinine idea to your boss – and I know it was your idea, string bean." She paused as she placed the bite in her mouth. "Besides, I don't see you working with a partner."

"I love working with a partner. My last partner, Karen, and I had an amazing professional relationship. She retired from the force six months ago when she and her husband wanted to start their family."

Mary snickered. "You mean he knocked her up and she could no longer work in the field. If that ever happened to me, I'd shoot the nuts off the man that did it to me."

I choked on my sip of coffee and tried to steer the topic back to safer ground. "Anyway, we were talking about you. Why don't you give WitSec a try? Relocate yourself for a bit; see how a new life fits. You just might like it here. Besides, you wanted to see if Henry and Claudia were going to make it."

"They are so _not_ going to make it! I'll bet you a peach melba pie that she's screaming for a divorce in two weeks." Mary stuck out her hand.

"And I bet you a chocolate peanut butter pie that we'll be dancing at their silver wedding anniversary party one day in the future," I stuck out my hand.

Mary snatched her hand back. "We're not going to know each other in 25 years, dumbass!"

I laughed. "I work in witness protection – I know how to find people. I bet I could find you, Shannon."

Mary opened her mouth to make a snappy retort to me but was cut off by her cell phone ringing yet again. She stared at the ID. "I know this number," she muttered under her breath. "Oh dear God, it's my mother. I don't want to answer it – but if I don't she'll just keep calling and calling and-"

I interrupted her groaning by grabbing the phone from her hand and flipping it open. Ignoring her look of horror and frantic gesticulations, I calmly stated, "This is Marshal Marshall Mann."

"_Oh, um, hello,"_ a very breathy, giggly, and somewhat high-pitched voice came over the line and my eyes closed momentarily in prayer, hoping that this wasn't an obscene phone call instead of Mrs. Shannon. _"Is my little sweet pea there?"_

"I beg your pardon?" I snapped off the question brusquely, using my best official voice and I noticed that Mary had stopped reaching for the phone and was now sitting very still across from me, watching with wide eyes.

"_I'm trying to reach Mary Shannon. I'm her mother and it's very important. Could I talk to her for just a minute, please?"_

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but your daughter is unavailable."

"_Oh, well, I'll call later then."_

"I'm afraid that's not possible. This is a work number, used for government business only. In the future, you will need to call your daughter at home."

"_But I don't know her home number!"_ the voice wailed and I held the phone away from my ear momentarily as feedback came over the line.

"That is not my problem, ma'am. But I can assure you that if you do call her at her work number in the future, the US government will not look kindly on that. Good day." I snapped the phone closed and slid it across to Mary, who was opening and closing her mouth like a fish out of water.

Finally she glared at me and demanded, "What isn't your problem? What did she say?"

"She seemed most eager to talk to you but didn't tell me why. When I told her that she needed to call you at home she wailed at me that she didn't know your home phone number. I told her that wasn't my problem." I popped the final bite of pie in my mouth and looked at the coffee pot, seriously contemplating whether or not I could handle a third cup of the dark brew. I looked up in surprise when Mary's hand closed over mine and gave it a brief but intense squeeze.

"Thank you, Marshall."

"You're welcome." I waited a few heartbeats before I added, "What are partners for?"

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****Pie makes everything better, yes? Please review.**


	3. Chapter 3

_***A/N: Here's more early partnership goodness! This chapter is completely spoiler free. I introduce another original character, Karen, (Marshall's partner before Mary) in this chapter. **_**_Disclaimer: Still own nothing!!*

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_Oh--and she never gives out_

_And she never gives in_

_She just changes her mind._

_She is frequently kind_

_And she's suddenly cruel._

_She can do as she pleases_

_She's nobody's fool._

_But she can't be convicted_

_She's earned her degree._

_And the most she will do_

_Is throw shadows at you._

_But she's always a woman to me._

_--Always a woman to me, by Billy Joel

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_**2003: 4 months into partnership**_

As I pulled away from the Stanley's apartment, I looked at the clock on the dash and swore. It was a lot later than I thought and I knew she was going to kill me. I picked up my cell and punched in a number, waiting for her to answer.

"Stanford Baby Factory, this better be who I think it is and you better be on the way or I'm going to get the glock that I'm not supposed to still have out of the safe and come hunting for you, Marshall."

"Geez, Karen, is that how you answer the phone? What if it hadn't been me? What if it had been some poor defenseless schmuck trying to sell you something?" I laughed into the phone, trying to placate the raging hormones of my ex-partner, who was seven months pregnant.

Karen snickered. "Well, then, hopefully he wouldn't call back. Tell me you're on the way."

"I'm on the way."

"Really? Because I'm sitting here with more take out than even the baby and I can eat and you've already canceled twice on me in the last two weeks so-"

"Karen!" I growled. "I'm on the way but I'm fighting traffic and I'm across town from you so it'll be a few minutes yet. I'm sorry for having to cancel on you before but you know better than anyone else the nature of the work."

"I know, I know," she hiccuped and I prayed that she wasn't going to start crying. My ex partner was one of the strongest women I knew but this pregnancy had put her on a roller coaster of emotions since her second trimester. Her husband Keith was on the Fugitive Task Force and was gone for weeks at time. He had asked me to look after her when I could, which I was only too happy to do, but I was praying that the man would actually be in town when his child was born. Karen would never forgive him if he wasn't. "So, how was work? How's your new partner?" Karen asked, and I could tell she was making a conscious effort to keep her emotions in check.

I groaned. "Let's not talk about Inspector Shannon today, ok?"

Karen's giggle came through the phone and I felt some happiness that I had at least lifted _her_ spirits. "Uh oh, the honeymoon's over already?"

"I'm beginning to think I made a mistake here, Kare. I think I've caught a tiger by the tail and one of these days she's going to turn around and maul me," I shuddered at the image.

"Well, that's a nice graphic image, Marshall. Seriously, she can't be that bad since you recommended her to Stan in the first place. I thought your opinion of her changed after the road trip?"

I sighed. "It did – I mean, she was amazing with the witness. And she still can have that really great effect on most of them, you know? Nothing and I mean _nothing_, scares this girl." I broke off and sighed again.

"Then what is it, sweetie?"

"She has absolutely no sense of _tact_, Kare. She's so cut and dry and can be downright brutal, and with some witnesses that's fine but you know that sometimes you need a softer approach. You can't go in with guns blazing all the time and just run rough shod over people's feelings." I paused to get off the highway safely and gather my thoughts. "I spent the afternoon cleaning up after Mary 'Annie Oakley' Shannon and now her witness is like 'Can't you be my Marshal instead?' And this isn't the first request I've had from one of her witnesses either."

"Well, you know that some witnesses require special TLC and nurturing. We both know that you have an excellent bedside manner, Marshall – you could have been a doctor or something."

I groaned. "Now you sound like my mom. No thank you, one doctor in the family is enough."

"Anyway, it really does sounds like you and Mary balance each other out. She tells it like it is and you come along and soften the blow for those who need it."

"But that's just it – she goes in every time whether it's her witness or not and takes charge of the situation and lays down the law. People are beginning to think she's got some seniority over me, that I'm her assistant or whipping boy when I actually got her this job!"

Karen laughed. "You are determined to be grumpy tonight no matter what I say, aren't you? Listen, you're just going to have to pull up your big girl panties and deal with it, Brain." I couldn't help but smile at her old nickname for me. "You have no one to blame but yourself for the current situation. I think in time you'll establish a good working partnership. Not as great as ours was-"

"Not on your life, Kare. You are one in a million."

"And don't you forget it. Is that your truck I hear outside?"

I laughed as I pulled the truck into the drive and put it in park. "Yes, be inside in a minute."

"Get your ass in here, Mann, if you want any food."

"Coming, darling," I sing songed and snapped the phone shut.

* * *

_**2004: 8 months into partnership**_

Stan met me in the hall on the way back from grabbing coffee.

"Did you get it?"

I looked at him in surprise. "What? Your coffee – yeah, here you go." I handed him his triple shot mocha and kept moving towards the office only to have him grab my arm.

"No, Inspector, the coffee run was just a ruse for the _other thing _I wanted you to pick up for me. Did you remember?" Stan was rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, smiling broadly.

"Stan, I really don't think –"

"Nonsense, Marshall. It's her birthday. All women want to be showered with gifts and attention on their special day," Stan stated confidently. "Now, did you place the order for me?"

"Yes, the package should be here by 1. But I don't really think Mary is a flower and candy kind of girl."

"All women like flowers and candy." Stan was looking at me in disbelief.

"Mary Shannon is not your average woman," I sighed, trying to explain what I knew to be true after only working with her for such a short amount of time. "I really don't think she wants us to get her any presents or throw her a party."

Stan was waving my explanations away. "She'll love it, you'll see. Oh, mum's the word, Marshall. I want it to be a surprise."

I tried not to snort as we rounded the corner and came into the main office area in time to hear a crash. I bolted into the room and saw that both Mary and my desks were at crazy angles, and the potted cactus plant that had been on the corner of my desk was now in a smashed broken heap on the tile floor. Mary was swearing and emerging from under her desk, holding the back of her head. Her eyes met mine and she flashed a smile.

"There you are, string bean; I thought you went to Colombia for coffee! Get in here and help me move our desks."

With a sigh of resignation I set my coffee cup on a file cabinet out of the way and hung my jacket on a coat rack. "Rearranging again? It's only been two months since the last time you moved our desks, Mer. You don't rearrange your apartment this often," I teased as I stooped down and began to carefully pick up the large broken pieces of my pottery vase.

She frowned when she saw what I was doing. "What happened to your cactus?"

I looked up in astonishment. "What do you think happened? You're the one that's in here moving furniture around with the grace of a cyclone – and my poor plant suffered the consequences."

"Geez, I'll buy you a new one." She grunted as she pulled her desk into a new position and then stood up to stretch. "I decided that I need to be facing you because I can't have you sneaking up behind me."

I tossed the last piece of broken pottery in the trash and brushed the dirt from my hands. "Are you saying you don't trust me enough to have your back to me in the office, Inspector Shannon?" I smirked at her.

"Well, I have been known to draw my gun on people who sneak up on me."

I held up my hands in surrender. "Great, just what I need. A partner with an itchy trigger finger," I moaned as I grabbed the edge of my desk and pulled so that it was facing hers across the office.

Mary planted her hands on her hips. "Why do you need to be facing me?"

"So that I can dodge the spit wad attacks you launch at me while I'm trying to do our paperwork." I laughed as she flipped me off and started straightening the other items on my desk that had been knocked over in her move. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Stan approach Mary's desk with an enormous bouquet of red roses.

"Mary, these were delivered for you downstairs." Stan placed them on the corner of her desk with a flourish and stood back with a smile. "Do you have a secret admirer?"

Mary looked at the flowers with a lip curled in disgust. "Don't tell me that either one of you girls had something to do with this," she glared daggers at me first and then Stan as she flopped into her desk chair and reached for the card hidden among the blooms.

The smile was slowly disappearing from Stan's face. "What do you mean, Inspector? They're lovely and they smell nice and-"

Mary waved her hand dismissively at our boss. "They _stink _and in two days they'll be drooping and dropping petals all over my desk and the floor. On day three, I'll bump the corner of my desk and the whole _lovely_ arrangement will go crashing to the floor in a _lovely_ heap of broken glass and crushed petals-"her voice tapered off as her eyes scanned the card and she groaned aloud. "I should have known: 'Happy birthday to my sweet pea'. I'm in WitSec now, string bean, and she still manages to find me. Did she call you? Did you tell her where I was?" She advanced on me, waving the card in one hand and reaching for her glock with the other.

As soon as she was close enough, I grabbed both of her wrists in mine and pinned them effectively at her sides. Her eyes widened slightly as she struggled to break free but I held her easily. "Come on, Mer, you should know me better than that by now. You changed your number, remember? And there's no way I would call her up and give her the new one or give her mine so she could call and harass me! What about Brandi?"

Mary went still in my grip. "No, she has sworn up and down to me that she hasn't given her my new number or told Jinx where I'm living now."

"Well, there is one other person who could have called her-"I broke off as the thought occurred to me and I watched her eyes narrow in comprehension. As one, our heads swiveled to Stan who had been watching our exchange play out from across the room. Under our penetrating gazes he began to back away toward his office door,

"If you'll excuse me, Inspectors, I have some very important phone calls to make. I need to – uh – cancel some arrangements for this afternoon."

Mary growled deep in her throat and made a lunge for Stan but I managed to hang onto her as Stan beat a hasty retreat into his office, shutting the door firmly behind him. "He really just wanted you to have a happy birthday, Mer. He doesn't know about your family dynamics." I loosened my hold on her and she stepped away from me.

She snorted. "You mean 'our dysfunctions': the alcoholism, bank robbery, and long history of terrible relationships with men? I thought everyone had those problems, unless they were raised by June Cleaver like you."

When I got back from lunch, the bouquet of roses was on my desk with a post-it note stuck to the vase. _"I know I still owe you a cactus. But in the meantime, enjoy the roses. You're more of a girl than I am anyway." _I smiled and placed my own surprise for Mary on her desk and waited for the fall-out.

Mary didn't get back from her own lunch and afternoon visits until after four o'clock. I was deep in paperwork by that time and barely acknowledged her return with a wave.

"What the hell is this, Doofus?"

I leaned back in my chair and laced my fingers behind my head, meeting her eyes. Grinning at her furious expression, I shrugged. "I think it's customary to get the birthday girl a present."

Mary continued to swear at me under her breath as she sat down and began to rip off the wrapping paper. "I don't want any presents. I don't _do_ presents, string bean. I don't do birthdays or flowers or candy or –"her voice broke off as she lifted the lid off the box and her eyes fell on her present for the first time. After a few seconds of simply staring at it, she began to shake and her laughter filled our office space. "You got me a _gun_?"

"Well, I thought you should have one you could use on me if I try to sneak up on you in the office. But I really should let you know something first," I cautioned her as she pulled the nerf gun out of the box and began to load the darts into the chamber.

"What's that?" she smiled in childish glee as she finished loading the gun and snapped the plastic chamber back in place.

I opened the top drawer of my desk and pulled something out. "Well, the store was having a sale and I knew that I needed to be able to mount a defense against you so – draw, Shannon!" I lifted my own nerf gun over the top of the desk and squeezed the trigger as Mary squealed and dove for cover.

* * *

_**2004: 1 yr into partnership**_

The insistent ringing of my cell phone managed to penetrate my sleep and I reached a hand out, groping around in the dark for the offending object.

"This is Marshall."

"Hey, it's me. Did I wake you?"

My eyes drifted open and tried to focus on the clock on my nightstand – 2:15 AM. I groaned. "Uh, yeah, you did, Mer. What's up? Is there a problem with one of our witnesses?"

"My car died on me. I need you to come pick me up."

I closed my eyes and snuggled deeper into my pillow. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Marshall, I'm sorry, but I'm at this bar and I don't exactly want to spend the night here."

"Well, call a cab then, after you call the auto club for your car."

"I don't have any cash on me for a cab, string bean! And the probe will be fine until morning."

"Mer, it _is_ morning," I grumbled as I sat up and swung my feet over the side of my bed.

"Look, I'll buy you coffee for a week if you'll come get me and take me home."

I was already pulling a T shirt over my head but I wanted to make her squirm a bit. "Hmm, I don't know. Does that offer include a cheese Danish – and you'll tip the barista?"

I heard Mary's huff of annoyance on the other end. "They're not waitresses, Doofus, they just pour coffee!"

I clicked my tongue. "I don't know Mer, I'm awfully sleepy and it's the middle of the night-"

"All right! Coffee and a cheese Danish every day for a week and I'll tip them, ok? Just get your ass down here!"

"Sure thing, partner, just one more question."

I could practically hear the sound of Mary gritting her teeth over the telephone. "What?"

"Where are you?"

Fifteen minutes later, I pulled up to a seedy dive that I hadn't been to before in all the years that I had lived in Albuquerque. I spotted Mary's eggplant Probe easily and she was waiting for me beside it. After making sure that it was locked up tight, Mary jumped into the passenger seat beside me. She reeked of smoke and cheap beer and I tried not to wrinkle my nose or cough from the fumes emanating from her clothing.

"So, did you find the man of your dreams in there?" I asked as I pulled back onto the deserted streets.

She gave me a sideways look. "That wasn't really my goal tonight."

I sighed. "I know. You went to blow off some steam and have a quick fix in the back with some guy you'll never see again."

"What the hell? Have you been following me, Marshall?" she demanded.

"No! But it's not hard to figure out that's how you vent after a hard day, Mer. I mean, we're on the road coming back from a transfer, you go out for a while because you're too keyed up to sleep and when you come back a little while later you're more relaxed, satisfied," I finished and felt myself grow warm at what I was implying.

"Bastard, you've known me a year and you think you've got me all figured out, don't you?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't think that. You keep parts of yourself locked away from everyone, even me, your partner. It will take me a lifetime to get you figured out, Mer, and that's only if you'll let me."

Silence descended in the cab and I wondered what she was thinking. I couldn't believe that today marked the one year anniversary of us being partners. On one hand, it seemed like only yesterday I was introducing myself to her and she was mocking my name; but on the other hand, it seemed like we had known each other for years. I turned my head towards her when I heard her sigh.

"I've never had a partner stay with me for a whole year, Marshal Marshall Mann."

I grinned. "Wanna go for two?"

* * *

****Nerf gun wars - that would be funny to see on the show, yes? Please review****


	4. Chapter 4

***A/N: Mea Culpa, my friends! Sorry it has been so long since I have last updated. Real Life has been a _________ - I'm sure you can all fill in the blank. My muses locked themselves in the basement for awhile but they are coming back out to play now so on with the story! As a reward I've written and posted a double chapter for you guys - Enjoy.  
**

**** Chapter Note: So, there has been much speculation among the M&M fans about when and how Marshall fell in love with Mary. This chapter attempts to answer those questions - at least in this story! Maybe one day TPTB on the show will show us 'their' version! Slight spoiler for High Priced Spread and When Mary met Marshall (family background info only)**

* * *

**

_She keeps her secrets  
in her eyes  
she's so hard to hold  
but I can't let go._

_She cuts me and the pain  
is all I wanna feel.  
She'll dance away just like a child.  
She drives me crazy  
drives me wild.  
But I'm helpless when she smiles._

_Maybe I'd fight if I could . . .  
it's out of control  
but I can't let go._

_--Helpless when she smiles, by the Backstreet Boys

* * *

_

_**Labor Day, 2009**_

When I next opened my eyes, I heard the soft cooing sounds of a baby. "Kare? Is that you?"

My ex partner moved into my field of vision, balancing her youngest son Jamie on her left hip; she smiled at me and Jamie waved his teething toy in the air wildly. "Hey there, Brain. Heard you had some excitement earlier – everything ok?"

I groaned and rolled to my back, reaching for the bed controls. After I had propped myself up to a semi reclined position, I reached out for Jamie. The ten-month-old nearly fell out of her arms before the transfer was complete. I gave Jamie raspberries on his tummy and listened to his squeals of delight before settling him on the bed beside me. Lifting my eyes to meet Karen's concerned gaze, I shrugged. "Well, the cat's out of the bag. Mary knows that I'm leaving Albuquerque. That I'm leaving her." I swallowed against the bile that was rising in my throat.

"Marshall, what happened between you two?"

"You mean today?"

"No – something happened before today. You've been on edge and moody for the past few months. Even before Mary got engaged to the ball player," Karen was musing aloud and I was starting to squirm. Suddenly her eyes widened and she looked at me in surprise. "Marshall, you two didn't –"

"Leave it alone, Kare!" I growled and Jamie jumped at my sharp tone. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes briefly. "Look, Mary has never felt one tenth for me what I feel for her – no matter what has happened between us."

"Have you ever told her how you feel?"

I shook my head. _Actions speak louder than words. What the hell have I been saying through my actions the past six years of our partnership? And what about my toast at her engagement party? Not to mention – _I slammed the door shut on that memory before the images could flash across my mind's eye.

"It doesn't matter. She's made her choice – and I can't stay around and be her partner and pretend not to care while she destroys her life. It'll destroy me, Kare. I have to move on and I can't do that here."

Karen leaned over and grasped my hand tightly. She smelled like vanilla and baby powder. This beautiful woman had stood by me through so many years and was like the sister I'd never had. Leaving her and her kids behind was going to be so hard. My "date" the night I had gotten shot was with Karen and the kids. Six year old Kate was devastated that her "Uncle Mars" wasn't coming to dinner when she had made the cookies for dessert herself! But she had brought me some as a 'get well' present soon after I woke up.

"I know that you need to move on and I agree with you, Marshall, but it's not going to be easy. You've been in love with this woman practically since the day you met her," Karen admonished me softly.

I snorted. "At least I wasn't aware of my feelings in the beginning or I really think I would have slit my wrists before now." I gripped her hand tightly. "I don't want to leave you and the kids – think you can talk to Keith about relocating to Seattle?"

"And leave the desert? I don't think so. Besides, I think that he's due for a promotion soon. One that might keep him in town more, closer to us, is less dangerous – that would be nice, yes?"

"That would be great, Kare, and it would be a load off my shoulders about leaving even though I'm going to miss my niece and nephews horribly."

Karen sniffed. "Kate is going to be heartbroken. I don't know how I'm going to tell her."

I groaned and collapsed against my pillow as I thought about my darlin' Kate.

Karen grinned mischievously. "But if anyone can talk you into staying, it will be her."

"I can't stay. You know that. I've got to have a fresh start – if I stay here, my heart will always be in Mary's hands to do with as she wills."

* * *

_**Spring 2005**_

I knocked on the door and waited as I heard barking, the sound of a toddler laughing, and Karen was telling the dog to shut up. Footsteps approached and suddenly the door was thrown open to reveal Karen in evening dress, but her hair was still in hot rollers and she was in stocking feet. She held the cordless phone to her ear and gestured me inside with the other hand. I had barely crossed the threshold before their golden retriever, Princess, was circling me and sniffing. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around my knees.

"Unca Mars!" screamed Kate.

I looked down into the upturned face of my goddaughter and 'niece', Karen's eighteen month old girl, Kate. With a head of strawberry blond curls and a freckled face, she could have been the next "Annie" on Broadway. I scooped her up and amid her wild giggles of delight, I proceeded to fly her around the open areas of the first floor. I vaguely heard Karen hang up the phone and announce that she was going to finish getting ready on one of our 'flybys'.

When Kate and I were taking a juice break in the kitchen my phone buzzed and noticing that it was Mary, I picked up.

"Hey, string bean, do you know what today is?"

"Uh, Thursday, why?"

"Tonight's the Survivor finale. We had a date to watch it together, remember? Your place, pizza, beer? Any of this ring a bell?"

I groaned into the phone. "I'm sorry, Mer. I totally forgot. I'm afraid I can't make it. I've got a previous engagement."

"Well, get out of it. We made these plans weeks ago."

I looked up as Karen came into the kitchen. Her shoulder length hair was up in some sort of a twist but she had curls around her face. She looked amazing and I knew that it had been months since she and Keith had been able to have a night out together by themselves. She saw that I was on the phone and her shoulders sagged almost imperceptibly – but I caught it.

"Unca Mars! Unca Mars! Play!" Kate was chanting and pulling on my leg again and Princess started barking and Karen was trying not to laugh – no doubt from the expression of momentary panic on my face.

"Geez, Marshall, how old is your date, twelve?" Mary's teasing came over the phone.

"Actually she isn't even two – look Mer," I watched realization dawn on Karen's face and she doubled over in laughter. "I'm babysitting my goddaughter tonight and we both know how you feel about kids."

Karen had gotten the dog to quiet down and she distracted Kate with some crackers. "You know, Marshall, Mary's welcome to come over here too. It's not like you guys are teenagers." She smirked at me and I shot her a black look.

Mary was grumbling on the other end about how she already had the pizza and beer and she'd been sitting outside my house waiting for me when I cut her off. "Karen says you're welcome to come over here and watch Survivor with me after Kate goes to bed."

Mary was silent for so long that I thought she'd hung up on me. "So – we'll both be babysitting?"

"No, Mer. I'll be babysitting. You'll just be keeping me company."

"But the kid will still be there."

"She's a nice kid – she doesn't bite." I gave her the directions and left the decision up to her. "But, Mer? If you do come, I'm thinking you should leave the beer in the car."

After finally shoving Karen out the door amid her giggles and slightly inappropriate comments regarding my partner and myself, I settled in to give Kate her dinner and get her ready for bed. I had just changed her into her pjs when the doorbell rang and Kate took off for the front door with Princess on her heels. I smiled, wondering if my partner had conquered her fear or if it was an annoying solicitor. Kate was standing on tiptoe trying to turn the knob that she was just barely able to reach and Princess was on her hind legs, leaning against the door, barking furiously. Kate turned to me,

"Open, Unca Mars!"

Laughing I picked her up and gave her a raspberry on her tummy and ordered Princess away from the door. Putting a smile of welcome on my face, just in case, I threw open the door.

Mary stood on the other side, in jeans and a T-shirt, looking ready to bolt back down the driveway. She held a large pizza box in one hand and a six pack of root beer in the other. Princess went straight for Mary and the pizza and I had to order her back in the house before disaster struck.

"Sorry about that," I apologized. "Princess is still just a puppy."

"Bad doggie," Kate nodded wisely at me and then looked shyly at Mary. "Hi."

I laughed. "Kate, this is Uncle Mars' friend Mary. Mary, this is my goddaughter, Kate."

We got Mary inside and she put our dinner in the kitchen while Kate picked out some storybooks for bedtime. Kate wanted to read in the living room on the couch so that Mary could hear the stories too. I raised my eyebrows and looked at Mary but she just shrugged and sat down. Kate crawled into my lap and I read two stories before Kate was falling asleep in my lap. As I carried her to bed, I thought I heard her whisper "bye" to Mary over my shoulder but I wasn't sure. When I returned to the living room, Mary had turned the TV on with the volume low, and set out our feast. She was munching on pizza and staring at the TV but I could tell she really wasn't seeing the images flashing across the screen.

"Hey," I said softly as I sat next to her. "Are you all right?"

After a few moments, she turned and focused on me. "You'll make a great dad someday, Marshall."

I started at her words, stunned. "You think so? One night of babysitting doesn't exactly qualify me for father of the year."

"Its how you talk to Kate. You listen to her, really listen. She's the most important thing to you – and she knows it. You didn't even want me to bring beer into the house tonight, even though we could have drunk it after she'd gone to bed."

I wrinkled my brow in confusion. "It wouldn't have been right – I'm on duty."

"And when you have kids, I have the feeling you are always going to be on duty." Mary smiled softly at me and then it faded.

My gut tightened and I suddenly felt that here was a little child in need of comforting. She was reminding me of Kate, even though Mary was all grown up. Deep inside, I had the feeling she still was that lost little girl. I reached over and took her hand, lacing our fingers together. Watched as she looked down in surprise at our joined hands and waited for her to pull away – but she didn't.

"Mer, what is it?"

She sighed. "No one was on duty for me, Marshall."

I still knew little about her past. I knew that her mother was an alcoholic – a falling down drunk, actually. This was not a new development and it had to have deeply affected Mary and Brandi as they were growing up.

"What about your father?"

She chuckled mirthlessly. "Remember when I told you that bank robbery and alcoholism ran in my family? Well, my mother takes care of the drinking part. My father was the bank robber and the gambler. He left us two days before my seventh birthday. Brandi was just a baby at the time; she doesn't even remember him. Mom was drunk most of the time. So guess who got to be a mom at the ripe old age of seven? I guess seeing Kate tonight reminded me. . . ." Mary's voice tapered off.

I closed my eyes against the pain in her voice. I wanted nothing else than to pull her into my arms and hold her – whoa, where had that come from? Comfort, strictly for comfort, I told myself firmly.

"Maybe that's why you don't want to have children of your own – because you already raised Brandi," I mused aloud and she raised incredulous eyes to mine. "But it would be different with a child of your own. You would have a life partner to help you. And you wouldn't make the same mistakes that your parents made. You are not your mother – and your life partner would not be your father."

"Whoa! Slow down there, crazy man! I don't need you psychoanalyzing me! I am not 'mother material' and kids do not like me any more than I like them," she huffed as she pulled her hand from mine. The theme music of 'Survivor' interrupted us. "All right, sharing time is over. Care to place a wager on who wins tonight?"

* * *

_**November 2005**_

_**Minneapolis, MN**_

The trial had gone well – too well. I was always nervous when things went according to plan, like clockwork, without a hitch. Mary liked to tease me, said that I was jumping at shadows, like a cat on a hot tin roof. We had brought her witness, Marnie, to testify against her boss and everything had gone smoothly. It wasn't until we were hustling her out the back door of the courthouse to the unmarked SUV that disaster struck.

Marnie decided she didn't want to go back to Albuquerque – at least not until she had seen her brother Tony. He was the only family she had left and being this close to him without being allowed to see him was driving her insane. Marnie was standing on the sidewalk, in broad daylight, completely exposed, yelling in a mix of Italian and English that she would sit down on this corner and not budge until she had seen Tony. Mary was yelling back, just as emphatically, that it was impossible for her to see Tony, not just for her safety but for Tony's as well.

I desperately tried to get Mary's attention from where I stood by the SUV. I was listening to the chatter from my earpiece and scanning the side streets and rooftops for threats. This was not good – I knew that things had been going too well. Marnie was now completely exposed and we needed to get her and Mary in the SUV and off the streets. I finally caught Mary's eye and jerked my head towards the vehicle and watched as she rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. She continued to argue with Marnie and tried to steer her towards safety.

The next few moments seemed to happen in slow motion, as they always do in high stress situations. I saw a flash or glare from a gun across the street and I was shouting and running for my partner and Marnie. I slammed most of my body weight into Mary while my right arm caught Marnie around the waist and threw them to the ground as the first shots rang out. I heard the other Marshals with us returning fire even as I sat up and fired at the shooter. My second shot clipped him in the leg and he went down. I scrambled back from Mary and Marnie and scanned their bodies for wounds. Not seeing any, I began to breathe easier, but I noticed that Mary was awfully still.

"Hey, Mer, you ok?" I shook her slightly and her eyes fluttered open. Marnie was groaning and climbing to her feet beside us. Mary's eyes locked on mine and they filled with panic as I noticed she wasn't breathing. "Just relax, Mer. I think I knocked the wind out of you."

Her eyes snapped fire at me and over my own pounding heart I tried to reassure myself that's all it was. When she took a deep, shuddering breath five agonizing seconds later, I couldn't help but crush her to my chest in relief. "That's my girl," I breathed softly.

"Take it easy, numb nuts, or you'll knock the wind out of me again," she growled.

I chuckled as I helped her to her feet. "I think we need to get the hell out of Dodge."

"That's the understatement of the week."

Marnie looked up at our approach. "You'll take me to see Tony, now?"

Mary looked at her witness in open mouthed amazement. "Get in the car."

I snagged Mary's arm as she headed for the driver's seat. "You're hurt."

She looked down at torn sleeve of her leather jacket. "Damn it!" She shrugged out of it and we both looked at the bloody scratch on her arm. "Just a flesh wound. I don't even feel it yet."

"I'll patch you up as you drive. Where are we headed?"

Mary grinned. "It's a surprise."

* * *

_**Fargo, ND 11:15 P.M.**_

Mary drove a circuitous route to our 'surprise' destination – even though after an hour on the road I had a pretty good idea where we were headed. We stopped at a McDonald's and to fill up for gas at wide place in the road. I shook my head in amazement as Mary downed two quarter pounders, fries, and a large Coke. She kept eyeing my fries but I managed to hold her off by offering her my apple pie. After all, I had bought it for her anyway.

We rolled into the Motel 6 parking lot just after eleven. I stayed with Marnie while Mary went to check in. When she came back out to the car cursing the management, I knew the situation before she told me.

"Let me guess – one room, one bed, right?"

"Give the man a gold star," Mary griped at me as she flashed the room key at me and I made a note of the number.

I carried all three of our overnight bags into the room as Mary took charge of Marnie. She steered her into the room and we all looked at our dismal accommodations.

"Well, I'll get the laptop and check on flights for tomorrow," I offered as Marnie continued to shoot daggers at Mary. "You two go ahead and take the bed. I'll sleep on the floor."

Marnie's head snapped around to look at me and she let out a stream of what sounded like Italian curse words before switching to English. "I'm not sharing a bed with that heartless bitch!" She picked up her bag from where I had dropped it on the floor. "I will sleep in bath tub." She slammed the bathroom door behind her and the sound of the lock was audible in the small room.

I wearily scrubbed a hand through my hair and looked at my partner. "You make friends wherever you go, don't you?"

Mary smiled sweetly as she flipped me off.

When I returned to the room, Mary was in her sleepwear on the bed, flipping channels. I spent half an hour online, sending a status report to Stan and booking us on a flight back to Albuquerque tomorrow morning. I had noticed that the room was getting colder as I shut down the computer but when I headed for the heater, Mary's voice stopped me in my tracks.

"More bad news, string bean, the heater appears to be broken."

"Lovely." I picked up my overnight bag and headed for the bathroom. I knocked softly. "Marnie? It's Marshall. I really need to use the facility before I turn in for the night."

"Geez, Marshall, who talks like that?" Mary mocked me from the bed.

I knocked again and waited. After a few moments, the lock clicked and the door opened to reveal the tear-stained face of our witness. I cleared my throat softly. "Everything all right?"

She shrugged. "I guess. I miss my brother." A pause. "Do you have brothers?"

I nodded. "Two. We talk on the phone and try to get together every couple of years. I don't think we're as close as you and Tony."

"Tony and I have never been separated. We have always lived in the same house. I mean, I always knew that one day he would get married and me too and then of course we would no longer live together. But then we'd still live in the same town, you know? Our children would play together and –" Marnie broke down in a sob and I didn't know what to say. I felt Mary's presence behind me and turned slightly even as Marnie stiffened and began to close the door.

"Marnie, wait. Marshall needs to get in there and I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes. Please." Mary was holding out her hand, waiting, and Marnie looked at her suspiciously.

I leaned down to whisper in Marnie's ear. "Just give her a few minutes. You can still lock yourself in the bathroom for the night."

She looked up at me and smiled slightly and moved out into the room. I sighed in relief and locked myself in the bathroom, planning to make good use of my time in there since I didn't know when I would get another chance. When I emerged a short time later wearing my Star Wars pajamas, I heard Mary say,

"I promise I'll look into it, Marnie."

My eyebrows rose in surprise when Marnie threw her arms around Mary's neck. Mary awkwardly patted her back. Marnie scooted off the bed, saying good night to both of us and returned to the bathroom. The lock clicked back into place.

"Mer, you promised her that you'd get her brother into WitSec with her, didn't you?" I asked smugly, as I sat down on the bed across from her.

She avoided my gaze. "I might have said I'd look into it."

"Careful, Shannon. If word of this gets around, it might shatter your 'I hate people' image."

I laughed and ducked the back handed swat she sent my way. "It's late; we better try and get some sleep. Think you can spare some blankets for me?"

She looked at me in surprise. "Marshall, it's pretty cold in here. I think we better share the bed so we don't freeze to death."

I looked at her as if she'd suddenly sprouted two heads. She wanted me to share a bed with her? We'd never done that – in the two years we'd been partners the situation had yet to come up.

"Mer, it's against protocol for partners of the opposite sex to share a bed when they're transporting a witness or prisoner – you know that," I stated in my best official voice.

"Screw the protocol! We're both adults and I think we can keep our hands to ourselves for one night. It's not like I'm going to jump your bones tonight – not when you're wearing your 'use the force' pjs!" she giggled.

A ribald comment about lightsabers was on the tip of my tongue but her phrase of 'jump your bones' was echoing in my head and I suddenly felt lightheaded. What were these new feelings she was bringing out in me? Whatever they were, I needed to get a handle on them and make them disappear, fast.

So I shrugged my shoulders and made sure we were locked up tight and secure. Mary put her glock under her pillow and I placed mine on the nightstand within reach. We bundled under the covers and I lay on my back staring up at the ceiling, wondering if I was going to get any sleep tonight. Mary curled onto her side facing away from me and soon her breathing evened out in sleep.

I don't know what time it was when I woke up gasping from the nightmare. I was slightly sweaty and just had the sheet covering me. Mary had stolen the rest of the covers at some point during the night. I collapsed back onto the bed and tried to get my breathing under control. I was relieved that I hadn't woken her. I shivered slightly in the chilly air of the room and turned towards the warm lump that was my partner and tried to untangle her from the cocoon of blankets without waking her.

"Are you all right?"

I pulled my hands back as if her words burned me. "You're awake."

She rolled towards me and opened up some of the blankets. "Come here, you must be cold."

My teeth had started to chatter lightly as she drew me down into the warmth. I tried to pull away but she held me fast against her, resting her head on my chest. "Your heart is racing. What was your dream about?"

"Did I wake you?"

"I heard you crying out in your sleep but then you stopped. I didn't know if you woke up or fell into a deeper sleep so I just waited."

"I woke up – because I was cold. You stole all the covers," I rebuked her gently.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I'm a cover hog – but you snore!"

"Only when I'm exhausted," I murmured as my jaw opened wide in a yawn. "See?"

"Marshall, what was your dream?"

"It's not important."

"You know you'll have it again if you don't talk about it. Was it about this afternoon?"

I closed my eyes tightly, wanting to shut out her words. But it didn't help because then I only saw the images from my nightmare. "I didn't get to you in time."

"And it wasn't just a flesh wound in my arm?"

"No."

She was silent for a long time and I reveled in the sound of her breathing, in her heart beating next to mine. "You know, that shooter really pissed me off. He ruined my favorite leather jacket."

I chuckled. "Our three year anniversary is coming up – I'll buy you a new one."

Mary lifted her head and I could barely make out her eyes in the early morning light. "That's ridiculous, Marshall. I'm perfectly capable of replacing it myself."

I lifted a hand and placed it on her upper arm, covering the bandage that I could feel through her sleep shirt. "Come on, Mer. Consider it a memento of your near brush with death."

Even in the semi-darkness I could see her eye roll. "Don't be overly dramatic, string bean."

"Okay, it will be a 'I'm-so-glad-my-partner-and-best-friend-is-still-alive-and-kicking-to-give-me-hell-that-I-had-give-her-this-jacket-to-replace-the-one-that-got-ruined' present – does that work?"

Mary's 1000-watt smile that was rarely seen lit up her face and my insides did their strange, new dance. She laughed as she burrowed her face back under the covers. "You're an idiot. Only you could get a leather jacket to say all _that_."

* * *

_*** Marshall really is helpless when Mary smiles - good thing she doesn't do it often! Please review!***_


	5. Chapter 5

_***A/N: Hi! Told ya I was BACK! Muses are really rockin' and rollin' now! Spoilers for 'Never the Bride' and 'Trojan Horst' - but if you haven't seen those yet. . . . :) I was wanting to introduce you Ma Mann, in honor of last week's episode but Karen and Marshall had other plans for this chapter. Hope you enjoy.**_

_****Story Note: For those of you clamoring about the fallout from the first chapter, it's coming. Good things come to those who wait! We're getting Marshall's POV on things. We've yet to hear from Mary . . . dun dun dun!**

* * *

**__I'm so scared that the way I feel,  
is written all over my face.  
When you walk into the room,  
I wanna find a hiding place.  
We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do.  
But now, a smile and a touch of your hand,  
just makes me come unglued.  
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,  
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay.  
Should I say it?  
Should I tell you how I feel?  
Oh, I want you to know.  
But then again I don't. It's so complicated._

_--Complicated, by Carolyn Dawn Johnson

* * *

_

_**Labor Day, 2009**_

"Marshall, tell me what happened between you and Mary today."

I looked up at Karen, at her concerned gaze boring holes into my skull. I squirmed under her close scrutiny. "Kare, I'm not Kate or Peter. Don't use your parent Jedi mind tricks on me."

Karen giggled. "Come on, I'm concerned about you. Your nurse Eve said you two were yelling at each other and that you asked for pain meds."

I waved my hand in dismissal. "Mary's always yelling about something or other."

Karen leveled her laser beam gaze on me again. "Eve said _you_ were yelling." She let the words hang in the air for a few moments. "How did Mary found out about Seattle? Did you tell her when she stopped by today?"

I sighed and gave in, knowing that resistance was futile. "No, she found the papers on my desk earlier today and waved them in my face."

"I see. Sort of like when she just 'happened' to find your job offer from that security company last year?"

"Touché. You have a good memory, Kare. Anyway, we got into a pretty nasty argument. She knows just what buttons to push after all these years."

"I think you better give me the details."

I really didn't want to – but Karen was like a terrier with a bone and I knew that she wasn't going to let it go. Jamie was still sitting beside on the bed but he had fallen asleep about twenty minutes ago. Focusing my eyes on the hospital blanket and running my fingers through Jamie's soft curls, I hit the high and low points of my encounter with Mary. I left out the part about the song reference and her reply. Karen didn't know about our victory song tradition and taking the extra time to explain it to her was something I didn't want to do. Unfortunately that left me to finish the story with Mary's words that no one ever stays and my agreement.

"Oh Marshall, how could you," my ex-partner whispered.

I finally dared a glance upward and instantly wished I hadn't; tears were streaming down her cheeks. _Good going, Mann! You've made two of the most important women in your life cry today! If mom stops by, you can make it a clean sweep! _

"You know better than _anyone_ about the fear and abandonment issues with men that Mary has never dealt with - and you just threw it all back in her face!" Karen was still whispering, no doubt because Jamie was sleeping, but her words were laced with steel and were cutting me to the quick.

I took a deep breath, desperately trying to get my emotions and thoughts together. "Karen, with all due respect, you don't know the full details of our relationship-"

She held up a hand to stop my words. "Nor do I want to know all the sordid details, believe me. But she was right today, Marshall, and you were wrong! You _did_ promise to stay with her. You promised her that you were different from her father."

Even as I shook my head and opened my mouth to again deny it, Karen's words triggered the memory and Mary's anguished face swam before my eyes. "Damn it."

* * *

_**June 27, 2008**_

I muted the television as I reached for my ringing cell phone, grimacing slightly from the twinge of pain that came from my right shoulder.

"This is Marshall."

"Hi, Marshall. It's – Brandi."

I leaned back against the sofa, my brow wrinkling in confusion. I had no idea why Mary's sister would be calling me. "Has something happened to Mary, Brandi?"

"I don't think so – she's at work."

"Then why are you calling?"

"Look, she's gonna kill me when she finds out I called you but – I'm really worried about her."

"What's going on?"

"She hasn't been sleeping well since – well, you know, since-"

I swallowed, running a hand through my hair. "I got shot?"

"Yeah."

"Nightmares?"

"I hear her calling your name – shouting it sometimes. Then later I'll hear her in the living room watching TV or in the kitchen doing dishes. Marshall, she hates housework!"

I chuckled. "I know."

Brandi sighed into the phone. "The night you – got shot? When mom and I got to the hospital?

Mary just collapsed in Mom's arms. I've never seen my big sister cry so hard in my life."

I groaned, and then prayed the sound didn't carry over the open phone line. Mary cried, sobbed for me? I remember waking up, seeing her curled up in a hard plastic chair by my bed, with red, puffy eyes and matted hair. But she looked like the most beautiful woman on the planet to me – and she waited for me to wake up. She berated me for scaring her, thanked me for not dying and left. We had talked a couple of times on the phone since then, briefly, but the air still had to be cleared on the issues that had come up that awful day. _God, Mer, I love you. I'm so in love with you. Can I keep doing this? Be your partner, just your partner, when all I want to do is wipe away your tears and hold you until your nightmares are vanquished?_

Brandi's voice brought me back to reality. "Marshall? Are you there? Did I lose you?"

"I'm here. Listen, thanks for calling. I'll take care of it."

Brandi sighed again and I could almost see her fidgeting. "Listen, I don't suppose you could keep this conversation just between us?"

I chuckled. "Don't worry, Brandi. My lips are sealed."

* * *

"Marshall! What are you doing here? You know you're on leave until Monday!" Stan tried to sound stern as he came to greet me, but I caught the teasing tone, and the grin on his face also gave him away.

"Well, Stan, I was starting to go stir crazy at home and I decided to visit and bring my co-workers some complicated coffee beverages and something for their sweet tooth," I grinned as Stan was already reaching for his cup from my carrier.

He took a long sip. "God bless you, Inspector. I've gone several rounds with the FBI today and I was just about to head out and get one of these. You read my mind. What's in the bag?"

Mary had been watching me since I had stepped off the elevator without being overly obvious about it. She was now trying to busy herself by checking something on her computer but I was still catching the covert glances she sent my way.

I tilted my head in her direction and Stan's eyes lit up in understanding. "Actually, there is some paperwork in my office that needs your signature and since you're here-"

I followed him and made sure his door swung shut behind me. Setting the coffee carrier down, I reached into the plastic bag and pulled out one of the boxes of donuts. Handing it to Stan, I asked, "So, how is she?"

Stan took a huge bite of an old-fashioned and chewed thoughtfully for a few moments. "I've never seen her quite so – dedicated to the job as she has been this week. She hasn't complained about doing paperwork or seeing your witnesses on top of hers. She's been downright unlike herself. She's drinking coffee by the gallon – and yesterday I caught her napping at her desk!" Stan shook his head and took another bite of his donut. "Frankly, I'm concerned. About you both – I saw the letter from Peterson Security. There something you need to tell me, Marshall?"

I shifted in my seat. "Stan, I don't know what that was about – a moment of insanity? I love WitSec, you know that. Mary and I make a great team and I don't plan to split us up anytime soon."

"I'm really glad to hear that. You scared her, Marshall, first with the job offer, and then with your getting shot."

I turned in my seat and looked out across the office where Mary still sat at her computer. I saw her mumble a curse at it and I tried not to laugh. As if she sensed my gaze she looked up and our eyes met. All the angry words we had exchanged last week came flooding back to me and I winced. Most people would say that was definitely not a fear response. But then most people were not Mary Shannon. They didn't come with her past demons – of having been left behind once before and the fears of having it happen again. Her response to my job offer and threat of leaving was a survival instinct, pure and simple. Turn and attack. Fight tooth and nail. Claw and bite so that the person who is leaving doesn't leave you beaten and bloody on the floor. After being her partner for five years, I knew this about Mary and still, I had nearly walked out in an attempt to what? Protect my heart? That had been lost to her years ago. No, it had been the case with Treena when I had tried to kiss her and been rebuffed that had pushed me to think that maybe I should walk away. After all, the last thing I wanted to do for the next fifteen years was trail along after her like a love sick puppy while she belittled me, treated me like her personal lackey.

I sighed. I knew I'd messed up and had hurt her terribly. That was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. But if I was going to stay, we needed to clear the air and get a few things straight.

I turned back to Stan and gathered the food items. "See you on Monday, Stan. Is it all right if Mary leaves early, today?"

"If you can convince her, sure. She's chained herself to that desk."

Mary didn't even look up at my approach but I knew that she was aware of it. I plunked her coffee down in front of her and opened the box of donuts. "Hey, partner."

She flinched. "Did you get your paperwork done?"

"Decided to do it Monday. Can't really write with my left hand and Stan didn't want me taking my hand out of the sling."

She glanced up at me and flinched again. I noticed the dark circles under her eyes. "So what are you doing here?"

"Well, I've come to ask you to my house for a movie night."

"Tonight?" her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Yeah, you got plans? I know it's Friday night but I thought you might be free since your ball player boyfriend is in Florida."

I watched as she gritted her teeth and looked back at her computer screen. "He is not my boyfriend."

"Whatever. So, you want to pick the movie or the cuisine?"

I watched as she started to shut down her computer. "Oh, there's no way I'm letting you pick the movie, string bean."

I smiled at the use of my nickname. She hadn't used it in a couple of weeks; perhaps we were getting back on track. "Why not? There's nothing wrong with my taste in movies!"

"Oh please! You'd pick out something totally girly or make me watch the 'Back to the Future' trilogy, again!"

"Hey! Those are classics! And I happen to know that one of your favorite movies is Titanic," I teased.

She jumped to her feet and poked a finger at my chest. "Hey! I have a lot of blackmail ammunition on you – you sure you want to go down that road?" her eyes narrowed.

I held up the one hand that wasn't in a sling. "Uncle!" I cried. "So what cuisine do you want for dinner?"

* * *

I chuckled as the credits rolled across the screen and stole a glance at Mary. Her feet were in my lap and she was curled up on the opposite end of my sofa, sound asleep. She had fallen asleep halfway through the second movie and not wanting to wake her, I had merely turned the sound down and watched the rest of it by myself. Our Chinese takeout cartons were strewn across my coffee table; Mary's chopsticks still stuck straight up in the last container of lo mein. I always had to get a double order of the noodles whenever she was over if I had any hope of getting any. My chopsticks were in the container of orange chicken; there was one lonely piece stuck to the bottom that I was planning to eat when I cleaned up in a few minutes.

Mary had shown up with Lethal Weapon 3 and 4. She explained that they were the perfect movies for us because they had it all: action, comedy, and romance. When I asked her why she hadn't brought the first two she said that she was tired and didn't want to make this an all-night movie night. Stealing another glance at her, I smiled. I was relieved to see that she was sleeping peacefully and I had no intention of waking her up. She could spend the night on my couch for all I cared; it wouldn't be the first time. I gently eased her feet from my lap and began to creep around the room, cleaning up from our date. _Date? Whoa, Mann! Get a grip. You may think of these dinner and movie nights as 'dates' but there is no way in hell your partner does. _

I left the one floor lamp on in the corner of the living room, casting a soft glow in the room, so when Mary woke up she wouldn't be disoriented. After covering her with the afghan from the back of the sofa, I padded softly down the hall to my bedroom. With a grimace of discomfort, I slid the sling off my shoulder and got in my pajamas, Looney tunes ones that Kate had given me for my birthday this year. I had just managed to slip the T-shirt over my head when the cry came from the living room that stopped my heart.

"Marshall!"

It was Mary, screaming my name, like I had never her say it heard before. My heart was in my throat and I raced into the room. Mary was sitting up, staring straight ahead, chest heaving, eyes unseeing. I didn't know if she was fully awake yet and to approach her in a semi-awake state was dangerous. I had received several black eyes and other bruises trying to soothe Mary from nightmares over the years. I walked to the end of the couch but kept out of hitting and kicking range.

"Marshall?"

It was whisper this time and she was blinking now, trying to focus on me. Her breaths were slowing, trying to come more evenly, and I could see she was waking up. I moved towards her cautiously.

"I'm here, Mer. You're in my house. We had Chinese and watched movies and you fell asleep, remember? It was just a nightmare," I soothed, finally reaching her side and perching on the couch beside her.

"Marshall."

It was a sob, as she put her arms on my shoulders and buried her face in my neck. I hissed in pain as one hand came close to the wound on my right shoulder and I gently reached up to reposition it. She stiffened in dismay and tried to pull away. "I'm sorry! I hurt you."

"You just put your hand on my wound, that's all." I sat back on the couch and pulled her against my left side, letting her head rest on my good shoulder. "That's better. Now, why didn't you tell me you were having nightmares?"

I felt her shrug against my side. "I thought they'd go away."

"Well, I seem to remember my very smart partner telling me once that not talking about your nightmares would just make them worse," I reminded her softly.

"You think I'm smart?"

"Yes, very smart, but don't try to change the subject."

She sighed. "If I recall, I only had a flesh wound that time."

"But in my nightmare, your wound was more serious," I continued.

She was silent for so long I was afraid she wasn't going to say anything. "Did I die? Because you die in my dreams – in my arms," she choked out.

"Oh, Mer," I breathed out as I felt her tears hit my T-shirt. "Come here." Ignoring the burning pain my shoulder, I lifted her into my lap as she buried her face in my neck. I rocked her back and forth, slowly, offering her the same comfort I give to Kate when she wakes from her bad dreams. I don't know how long we sat there but after awhile, I noticed Mary's head had shifted and it was resting over my heart.

"It's very comforting to sit hear listening to your heart beat," she murmured sleepily.

I chuckled. "If you fall asleep like that, you're going to get a terrible kink in your neck."

She stiffened and began to pull away from me. "I should be heading home. It must be really late by now."

I locked eyes with her. "Stay."

She shrugged. "I don't have anything to sleep in – and I'm not sleeping in your crazy pajamas."

I grinned. "Go check the left lower drawer of my dresser."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Why?"

"Just do it."

She grunted at me, untangled her limbs from mine, and shuffled down the hall. I counted to twenty before I heard her swear and she reappeared, holding some sleepwear. "Why do you have some of my clothes, Pervis?"

I laughed. "How many times have you stayed over here? You're always leaving your dirty clothes strewn all over my bathroom when you change and you always forget to take them home with you. So I decided to wash them and keep them in a drawer for you for emergencies. Like tonight."

Mary's mouth dropped open and then closed. She shook her head. "I don't know what to say. Thanks, partner."

"You're welcome. Now get your pajamas on and come to bed." Off her surprised look I added, "Oh, did you want to sleep on the couch?"

Mary decided to take a shower before trying to fall back asleep. She had been surprised when she looked at the clock and saw that it was just after midnight. I laughed and reminded her that she hadn't wanted to make a night of it. She rolled her eyes and headed for my bathroom.

I propped myself up in bed and opened my classic of the week, which happened to be 'Moby Dick'. I wondered what her comment would be when she saw it. I had no doubt that the walls would be back up when she emerged from the shower. I was amazed that she had collapsed so completely in my arms earlier. She must have been as exhausted as Brandi and Stan had alluded to earlier. I wondered again if we would ever talk about some of the issues that had been raised the fateful week of my shooting or if we would just make a fresh start from here. Was it better just to do that?

I was so lost in my musings that I didn't hear or see Mary come back into the room. But I did feel the bed dip with her weight and I turned towards her. Her eyes twinkled at me. "You were completely lost at sea, Captain Ahab. Where were you?"

I grinned at her reference to my reading material. "I guess I was chasing the great white whale, Mer."

She snorted. "Lights out, string bean."

I complied and settled onto my back. She lay quietly beside me for several moments before rolling onto her side. I lifted my arm and with a sigh, she pressed against my side, once again resting her head over my heart.

"Raph proposed the night before he left for Florida. He baked the ring in a cupcake."

I was speechless. This was the ballplayer that she kept insisting wasn't her boyfriend? "I thought things weren't that serious between you two? That he wasn't your boyfriend?"

She shrugged her free shoulder. "I guess the idiot had other ideas. Can you imagine? A WitSec inspector married to a Major League ballplayer?" she chuckled dryly. "That wouldn't exactly keep my anonymity intact, would it?"

I tried to laugh but the situation wasn't funny. Truth was, men of all ages and races found Mary desirable. If I had a nickel for every time I got asked the question: _Is she seeing anyone?_ I'd be one very rich U.S. Marshal. One day, one of those men would manage to sweep Mary Shannon off her feet, down the aisle, and away from me forever. I had no idea that the ballplayer had nearly succeeded.

"So, what happened?"

"What do you mean, what happened? I told him no! Actually threw the ring across the room when he tried to slide it on my finger – the fucking idiot!"

"I'm sorry, Mer. I know you cared for him."

She sighed. "Yeah, well. He's gone now. Everyone leaves, Marshall, you know that."

"Hey, I'm still here." I squeezed her shoulders gently.

"You were going to leave."

I closed my eyes as the words hung in the air between us. "No, Mer, I wasn't. I know I had the job offer from Peterson Security but I hadn't decided yet. Leaving WitSec, leaving you-" I broke off.

Mary pulled away from me and sought my eyes in the darkened room. "Why, Marshall? I know you sort of told me in that broken down gas station but I still don't understand. Why?"

_Because I'm in love with you – and you don't love me. Not like that. _

I sighed._ I can't tell you that – think of something! _ "I thought I might have messed things up between us. On the case with Treena, when you smeared lipstick on me? I kissed you back, well, because I wanted to, and afterward I was afraid you'd be mad at me and it would affect our partnership and so I thought perhaps I should explore my options, just in case." _God, that sounds ridiculous even to me! I wonder if she'll buy it?_

Mary was staring at me in disbelief and then she began to shake with laughter. "You're completely crazy! Do you have to over analyze every little thing? So you enjoyed the kiss! So what? I'd be more worried about you if you didn't enjoy kissing me, Marshall! I just don't need you freaking out on me and leaving me over something so completely stupid, ok?" The smile slowly faded from her face and she reached out a hand and placed it on my right shoulder over my wound, gently. "You know, aside from my father, you are the longest relationship I've had with a man."

I felt like I couldn't breathe. In one sentence she'd placed me in the same category as the man she had loved more than anyone else and who also had hurt her more than anyone else. With a trembling hand I brushed back some hair from her face. "I'm not your father, Mer. It's not so easy to get rid of me. I know I hurt you with this job offer and I'm sorry. I'm not going anywhere."

Her lower lip trembled and I watched as she bit it to make it stop. "Promise?"

"I promise to show you that I'm different from your father. I promise that I'll be your partner for as long as you want me."

She sighed into my hand before laying back down, returning her head to its former resting place on my chest.

"Now I have something to ask of you, Mary Shannon."

"Really?"

"Yes. I meant what I said in that abandoned gas station. Being your keeper is hard work and a thankless job." I felt her stiffen in my arms. "Now, don't get your hackles up, you know you're feisty! All I'm looking for is a little respect."

"Like the Aretha Franklin song?"

I laughed. "Something like that. Look, you and I are partners, _equal_ partners. But you and I know that sometimes you get going and you run over everyone in your path, including me. You treat me like a subordinate, or lower. Treat me with a little respect in the future and things will run much more smoothly."

Mary tapped her fingers on my shirt, a sure sign to me that she was thinking. "You'll still do our paperwork?"

"Of course."

"Then I agree. I, Mary Shannon, promise to try and treat my partner Marshal Marshall Mann with more respect in the future."

"Thank you."

Her response was interrupted by a jaw cracking yawn. "Anything else?"

"Now that you mention it, yes, there's one more thing. The next time you need to smear lipstick on me, could you give me a warning first? I wouldn't want to do something crazy again like kiss you back."

The only response was a soft snore from the vicinity of my chest.

* * *

_**I LOVE Reviews!**_


	6. Chapter 6

_***A/N: So I know that some of you are getting tired of the flashbacks . . . what can I say? I am a slave to my Marshall muse and this is his story. He is wandering down memory lane showing us the good times with Mary. Unfortunately soon we will see where it all went wrong and what brought him to the breaking point.***_

_****Chapter Note: Introducing Ma Mann aka Elizabeth. I just find it highly unlikely that Mary never met any of Marshall's family before 2010! So here she meets his mom. And building off the premise set in "When Mary met Marshall" where he talks to mom 'every day', yes, they have a close relationship. Mom understands Marshall and he is her baby. Where has mom been? She was supposed to come see Marshall yesterday. And she drops a bombshell at the end of the chapter. . . .

* * *

**_

_She rolls the window down  
and she talks over the sound  
of the cars that pass us by.  
And I don't know why  
but she's changed my mind.  
Would you look at her  
she looks at me.  
She's got me thinking about her constantly.  
But she doesn't know how I feel.  
And as she carries on without a doubt;  
I wonder if she's figured out  
I'm crazy for this girl  
- -Crazy for this girl, by Evan and Jaron

* * *

_

_**Present Day (September 8, 2009)**_

I wasn't surprised that I slept the whole night. No nightmares disturbed me, and not even the nurses coming in to check my vitals every so often penetrated my deep slumber. My confrontation with Mary and then my emotional trip down memory lane with Karen had left me exhausted. But I was surprised my mom hadn't stopped by again before visiting hours ended for the day. She had left shortly before lunchtime, saying she needed to run some errands, but had promised to return in the evening. As I closed my eyes in weariness, I briefly wondered what had happened to her.

This morning I cleaned everything on my breakfast tray, much to the delight of my nurse Sarah. Dr. Spode came mid-morning and checked my incision, poked and prodded, made some grunting noises and looked thoughtful when I asked if I could go home tomorrow.

"You've made a remarkable recovery in a very short amount of time, Mr. Mann. Your incision is closed and healing nicely and there is no sign of infection. But you will be strictly limited in your activities for several weeks while your body continues to heal, you do understand?" At my nod of agreement, Dr. Spode continued. "I see no reason why you can't go home tomorrow as long as you promise to follow my restrictions to the letter and there is someone staying with you."

I had been nodding along with the doctor's instructions but his last words brought me up short. "Is it absolutely necessary for someone to stay with me?" My mom was leaving tonight, and I couldn't ask Karen to leave the kids with Keith for an extended period of time. Perhaps I could sleep in their guest room for awhile?

"Mr. Mann, you are a bachelor and live alone, correct?"

I nodded.

"You are still recovering from a gunshot wound to the abdomen which was nearly fatal. You weren't breathing when the paramedics brought you in here, have they told you that?"

I swallowed nervously and nodded again.

"You are extremely fortunate to be alive – it's a miracle, actually. Just because I am releasing you doesn't mean I want you to return to life as usual. You need to sleep, take your medication, and recuperate. Let others take care of you. You do have family, friends in the area who can stay with you?" Dr. Spode frowned at me in a fatherly manner.

Of course, Mary would usually be my first choice. But after the past few months, not to mention yesterday's incident, I knew she would not be in the mood to play Florence Nightingale. I opened my mouth to respond but was cut off by my mom as she swept into the room.

"Of course my son has plenty of people who are ready and willing to stay with him during his recovery. Don't you worry, doctor, we've already ironed out the details," she flashed him and me a brilliant smile.

Dr. Spode visibly relaxed. "I'm glad to hear it. I'll be back tomorrow to go over final instructions and any last questions you might have. Bye."

Mom waited until the doctor was out the door before she pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I'll bet you can't wait to get out of here tomorrow. I'm sorry that I can't stay and take care of you myself."

I squeezed her hand. "Mom, you've been here for almost a month! I know you've got a life and responsibilities waiting for you back home. Not to mention that Dad probably misses you too." I cleared my throat. "So, what 'details' have you ironed out? Is that why you didn't come by last night?"

Mom waved her hand at me as she sat down in the chair by my bed. "Never mind about the details – you will be taken care of and that's all that matters to me. I did mean to come back yesterday but I had an unexpected visitor drop by." She leveled her gaze at me and suddenly I felt like I was five years old again, when I was caught with my hands in the cookie jar. She had asked me if I had been eating the cookies and I said no, even though I had chocolate around my lips and crumbs on my hands.

"I imagine she's pretty upset with me right now."

"Marshall, don't you think she has a right to be? You didn't tell her about Seattle and then when she found out you said some pretty hurtful things to her."

I winced and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Mom, you don't have all the facts, all right? Things have gotten – complicated - between us."

Mom snorted and I looked at her in surprise. "Is that what you young people are calling it nowadays? Son, love has always been complicated."

I shook my head. "Mary doesn't love me, not the way I love her."

Mom tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. "Have you told her you love her – with words?"

I nodded slightly. "At the office engagement party, I gave a toast and the words just came out. But I think she heard them as 'I love you like a friend'. And when she cornered me about it afterwards, that's what I told her I meant."

"Why?"

"Because she's engaged – and those three words scare Mary more than bullets ever could."

I heard a chuckle escape from my mom. "Then how do you know she loves Raph? Has she ever said those words to him?"

"I think she loves him, but she's not in love with him. That would mean giving him her whole heart and that would give him the power to destroy her when he leaves – and Mary believes that everyone leaves. But she won't leave Raph, not now," I finished bitterly but didn't elaborate. I couldn't, wouldn't tell Mom that Mary had betrayed our secret of being WitSec Marshals to Raph. No matter how hurt or angry I was with her over that decision, deep down a part of me understood wanting to share that information with your life partner. I would take Mary's breach of security to the grave with me.

Mom's voice broke into my musings again. "Do you think that any man can break through Mary's walls? That she could let herself love someone – the way you love her?"

I closed my eyes against the pain. "Don't, mom. For the past six years I've been Mary Shannon's partner, friend, rescuer, brother, savior, confessor, punching bag, gopher, and walking encyclopedia. I am not now and never will be her knight in shining armor; the one to storm the castle walls and rescue her from the dungeon of her soul."

For a few minutes all I heard was the loud second hand of the clock on the wall as my words hung unchallenged in the air between us. Finally my mom said, "Well, I knew the first time I met Mary Shannon that she was no princess."

I laughed my dry, humorless chuckle. "No, she's not, and I'm not Prince Charming. I've always thought of myself more as Don Quixote tilting at windmills, singing 'The Impossible Dream'."

Mom's eyes lit up. "That would make her your Dulcinea!"

I groaned. "That's great, mom. She only existed in his mind, you know."

* * *

_**Late summer 2006**_

_**Lincoln, NE**_

I sat in the waiting room of Fillmore County Hospital and tried not to bounce my right knee impatiently as I waited for news about Mary. The injury to my left upper thigh hadn't been as severe as I had feared at first. When the knife had sunk into my leg, I had prayed that it wouldn't hit the femoral artery – and it hadn't. The cut was deep, but not as deep as it should have been since one of the Task Force members shot the perp as he was stabbing me in the leg. I had thirteen stitches in my thigh and would be limping for a few weeks, but all in all, it was a small price to pay for the past three weeks.

It had been a slow month in Witness Protection in Albuquerque, so when the KC Fugitive Task Force called and asked for volunteers, Mary jumped. She pleaded with Stan to let us go and dragged me along in her wake. Stan promised to call us back if something came up, but nothing had and we'd been chasing fugitives for three long weeks across the middle of the country. Mary was back in her element, swearing and bragging and taking charge as only she could. She was more 'one of the guys' than I was; she had threatened to buy me a skirt at one point and I had retaliated by buying her a pack of chewing tobacco.

"Still no word on your partner, Mann?" Bob asked as he sat down next to me. "How's the leg?"

I smiled at the Task Force member. "Leg's fine. Knife missed the femoral artery and the doctor put thirteen stitches in. I'm sure Mary's fine. I thought I heard her swearing not too long ago." I glanced at Bob's bandaged arm. "How's the wrist?"

He shrugged. "Broken. These guys may have only been armed with knives, but they still did a number on us, huh?"

I nodded in agreement as an orderly wheeled Mary into the room. "Where are my crutches? My legs aren't broken, idiot!" she glared up at the poor orderly, who scurried from her wrath.

"Geez, Mer, try not to piss off the staff, will you?" I muttered. "So, what's the report? And you better give it to me straight, Shannon, or I'll go find your doctor and have him give me details you don't want released."

She glared up at me with snapping eyes. "I've got two cracked ribs and I've torn some ligaments in my right foot. Satisfied, numb nuts?"

Bob's eyebrows rose at the name calling but I brushed it off.

"Oh yeah, I'm thrilled. Did you get a prescription for some pain killers, because you're going to need something in the next few days to offset your sunshine personality?"

Mary opened her mouth to argue with me when a doctor appeared with crutches and a small white paper bag. "Mr. Mann, are you Miss Shannon's partner and emergency contact?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"I'm Dr. Mallory. I've treated her injuries – she's told you what they are?" At my nod, the doctor continued. "Here are her pain pills and crutches. Once she gets home she needs to schedule some physical therapy for that foot. I've also got a note about light duty at work for a few weeks until she can bear full weight on both feet again."

Mary growled at this final statement. "Dr. Mallory, we went over all this. Why are you telling it again to my partner?"

Dr Mallory smiled sweetly at Mary. "Because I have this feeling, young lady, that you need someone to look after you or you won't follow my instructions. Take care."

Bob stifled his laugh while I grinned broadly. "What's so funny, string bean?"

"Nothing. At least neither of us got shot this time." I rubbed my thigh absentmindedly and Mary caught the gesture.

"What's with the leg, doofus?"

I sighed. "While you were chasing down a fugitive, alone and unarmed, I was getting stabbed in the leg because I momentarily let go of my suspect in concern for you."

"Well, that was stupid! How bad is it?" Mary was struggling to her feet, or rather foot and I came forward to hand her the crutches.

"Not too bad, thirteen stitches."

Bob interrupted our exchange. "We have rooms at a nearby hotel for the night if you want to rest up before hitting the road."

I glanced at my watch and noticed that it was only midafternoon. "No, I think we'll make tracks for KC, stay the night with my parents."

Bob clapped me on the shoulder. "Say hello to Seth and Elizabeth for me."

"I will."

I started limping to the entrance before I noticed that Mary wasn't hobbling beside me. I turned back to see her still standing staring after me with her mouth hanging open. Hurrying back to her side as fast as I could I said, "Mer, are you ok? Do you need help?"

She shut her mouth and blinked before smiling a huge Cheshire cat grin. "I get to meet your parents?"

I groaned and whipped out my cell. "I better call mom now and give her as much warning as possible."

* * *

Mary was starving. I don't think there has ever been a time when I have been on a road trip and my partner has _not_ been hungry. We can be in the middle of a high speed car chase with bullets flying and while I'm reloading my glock, she'll look at me and say: "Will you please hurry up and get these idiots off our tail? If I don't get something to eat in the next fifteen minutes I'm going to start gnawing on your leg!"

As we were leaving the hospital, Mary again made her threat about chewing on my leg like a piece of chicken. I tried to tell her that my mom would have supper waiting for us when we got to the house in KC. She glared at me and asked how long the drive was going to take.

"Three hours."

"And when was the last time we ate something?" she continued patiently, as if she was explaining something to an imbecile.

"Breakfast, before the bust."

"And what time was that?"

"Eight o'clock."

"And what time is it now, Marshall?"

"Four o'clock in the afternoon."

Mary glared at me again.

I pulled into the Village Inn parking lot.

She had a Spanish omelet breakfast platter with sausage, hash browns, and toast. I held myself back to two eggs over easy, with bacon and toast.

Mary looked at me in dismay. "You're not getting sick on me, are you?"

"No, I just don't want to spoil my appetite. I think mom is making ribs tonight."

She smacked me on the back of the head as I laughed. "Why didn't you tell me that before I ordered?"

"So there will be more for me."

Halfway through our very late lunch, I noticed that Mary was shifting in her seat, trying to find a comfortable position for her foot. "Mer, prop your foot up on the seat beside me. And it's time for your pain pill."

She made a face at me. "If I take one of those now, I'll be down for the count and sleep through till morning. That will make a great first impression on your parents."

I pulled her pill bottle out of my pocket and shook a tablet into my palm. "Aw, come on honey, you know that you're unforgettable whether you're conscious or not." I held out the tablet to her and she took it from me with a bat of her eyelashes.

"You say the sweetest things, sugar."

Evidently the waitress overheard this exchange because when she brought our check she asked us how long we'd been married. I choked on my water but Mary turned innocent, wide eyes to me. "How long has it been, sugar, that we've been partners?"

I smiled at her emphasis on the word partners. "Three and a half years, honey."

Mary shook her head and continued to play our game. "That long? It seems like yesterday! And you're just now taking me home to meet your parents, you naughty boy!"

We hobbled out of the restaurant trying to contain our laughter until we got outside.

Mary fought off the effects of the pain pill for over an hour, but halfway to KC, she fell fast asleep. She had grabbed my jacket and bunched it up for a pillow and was now leaning against the window. I had insisted on pushing Mary's seat back as far as it would go so her foot could be propped up on the dash and I was keeping a sharp look out for patrol cars. I briefly wondered how I was going to get my partner into the house in her unconscious state. My parents didn't have a wheelchair and Mary could hardly use her crutches at the moment. No, the only solution was to carry her and hope to God she didn't remember in the morning because she would probably hurt me.

Mom was at the door when I pulled the SUV up to the house. She threw her arms around me before pushing me back to look me up and down carefully. "It's wonderful to see you! But you look exhausted – what on earth are you doing in KC?"

"Well, work was quiet this month so we got loaned to the Fugitive Task Force. I thought we might see Dad-"

Mom shook her head. "No, he's been away all month on a special assignment in Seattle. I expect him home by the weekend. Is that Mary?" she motioned to my partner sleeping in the vehicle.

"Yes, that's her. She will be very upset in the morning that she slept through meeting you. She's got a couple of cracked ribs and has torn some ligaments in her foot. I got her to take a pain pill a few hours ago."

Mom continued to shake her head at me. "What am I going to do with all of you? Your father, you, Karen, and now Mary? The guest room is ready – do you need help getting Mary inside?"

I shook my head. "No, I'll carry her and then bring in our bags."

"No, son, I'll get your bags."

I popped the trunk and mom grabbed both of our overnight bags. "This is all you have?"

"We didn't know how long we'd be gone so it's just a couple of changes of clothes," I shrugged. "If you could wash them for us tonight, that would be great, mom."

"Nothing ever changes; my boys still come home for my ribs and to have me do their laundry!" Mom laughed and disappeared into the house.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the passenger door as quietly as possible and looked for a few moments at my sleeping partner. I couldn't believe that she hadn't stirred during the conversation with my mom or that she was still blissfully slumbering while I had snuck into her personal space. Sneaking up on Mary Shannon was a good way to get a body part shot off. In fact, it was damn hard to sneak up on her period since her radar was always up and pinging, sending out alarms. Was it the effects of the medication that had lowered her defenses? Or was it a three year plus partnership with a man that she had come to know and trust that made the difference?

Knowing that I was taking my life in my hands I reached out and very gently lowered the foot that was resting on the dash to the floor. As I reached across her lap and unfastened her seat belt, Mary moaned in her sleep.

"Uh, five more minutes, Squish."

I smiled in relief, knowing she was really out of it to confuse me with her sister. Placing one arm around her upper back and the other behind her knees, I scooped her into my arms, cradling her against my chest. Her head nestled into my shoulder and her breath tickled my neck as she murmured, "Marshall?"

I stiffened. "Mary, it's ok. We're at my parents' house. Rest now."

She didn't answer me but more importantly, she didn't fight me. By the time I carried her upstairs to the guest room, my leg was throbbing and I felt every pound of Mary's weight. Placing her on the bed, I removed her badge, boots, and both glocks. I was considering how to make her more comfortable when I felt mom's hand on my shoulder.

"Go on downstairs, son. The sofa bed is made up for you and you look ready to collapse. I'll take care of Mary – I don't think she'd appreciate you getting her ready for bed."

I leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, mom. I love you."

* * *

I did collapse on the sofa bed. I didn't surface again until the wee small hours of the morning and much to my amazement, I was still fully dressed. _At least I managed to take my boots and guns off before I lost consciousness, _I smiled to myself. I padded down the hallway to the kitchen in search of a late night snack. Mom was at the stove, stirring something in a pot.

"Mom! You haven't been up all night, have you?"

She looked up at me and smiled. "No. I got up about an hour ago. I had a feeling you'd be waking up soon and would be looking for something to eat. Hot chocolate will be ready soon," she nodded to the pot on the stove. "Muffins are on the table."

I sank into the chair and pulled the covered bread basket towards me. Lifting the cloth I pulled out two muffins and looked up at her suspiciously. "These are still warm."

She shrugged. "Ok, so I've been up for more than an hour. I can sleep after you're on the road." She placed a steaming mug of cocoa in front of me and sat across from me.

I shook my finger at her in mock disapproval as I popped some of the warm muffin into my mouth. For a few minutes she let me eat in peace but I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. As curious as Mary was about my parents, I knew that my mother had been just as anxious to meet my partner. I had been talking about her for three years, after all, and now here she was, battered and bruised and asleep in their guest room.

"You didn't tell me she was so – beautiful."

I smiled as I took a cautious sip of cocoa. "Didn't I?"

"No, son, you didn't," Mom frowned at me. "Makes me wonder what else you didn't tell me."

I sighed. "Yes, mom, Mary is beautiful."

"Does she have any siblings?"

I nodded slowly, knowing this was a dangerous road to go down. "A sister, Brandi."

"What about her parents? What are they like?"

I took another sip of cocoa before I shook my head slowly. "Sorry, mom. Mary is a very private person. She's very guarded. I know that I haven't told you very much about her personal life but that's information for her to divulge to people she trusts – and she doesn't trust easily."

Mom studied me in silence for a bit. "You've become her protector."

I met her gaze steadily. "That's what partners do."

She shook her head. "That's not what I meant. Marshall," she reached across the table and grasped my free hand, "How long have you been in love with her?"

I couldn't breathe. It was the first time I'd heard those words spoken out loud. Not that I hadn't admitted my true feelings for Mary to myself. It had been nearly a year since Mary's close call in Minnesota. The flesh wound which could have been so much worse followed by our first night sharing a bed in a freezing cold hotel room. Mary's arms offering me comfort after my nightmare. Staring at my reflection in the mirror the next morning and knowing that I was hopelessly in love with my partner.

"Marshall!" Mom's urgent tone and hand squeeze brought me back to the present and I took a deep breath. "Where did you go just now?"

"I'm fine. I was just thinking about your last question." I smiled sadly. "It's not an easy one to answer. I suppose I realized my feelings for Mary last year – but how long have they existed? Your guess is as good as mine. From the beginning, perhaps?" I shrugged.

From overhead came a thump, followed by a string of curses that ended in: "Marshall?"

I chuckled and got to my feet. "And there's Miss Mary Sunshine now. She's probably really confused and doesn't know where the bathroom is. I'll go lend her a hand and see if she's hungry. Better put on some more cocoa, mom, because once she remembers where she is I won't be able to keep her away from you!"

"Marshall!" Mary's voice was louder and more insistent, bordering on panic. I knew that she wasn't fully awake and I needed to answer her soon.

Throwing mom one last smile I moved towards the stairs. "I'm here, Mer. Don't get your panties in a knot. I'm coming as fast as I can. I'm injured too, remember?"

* * *

I watched as my partner sopped up the last of her egg yolk with her toast and popped it in her mouth.

"Mrs. Mann, that was absolutely delicious," Mary beamed at my mom.

"Please call me Elizabeth. Mrs. Mann makes me feel so old," Mom laughed as she refilled our coffee mugs.

Mary nodded her agreement. "Ok, Elizabeth. You really didn't have to go to all this trouble – especially this early!"

I glanced at the kitchen clock which just now read 5:00 A.M. and rolled my eyes. We had always been early risers but even this breakfast was a little early. At this rate Mary would be demanding her lunch by ten.

As we settled in with our coffee I could see Mary gearing up for her examination and I mentally prepared myself. Mom chuckled.

"Go on, Mary, ask your questions. You're never going to get a better chance."

Sneaking a glance in my direction first, she fired. "Why did you name him Marshall?"

"Why not?" Mom fired back, and then sighed. "He's my baby – I already had two boys, Scott and Jeremy, to carry on the tradition of going into the Marshal Service. I wanted at least one of my boys to have a fighting chance to escape the legacy- I guess in a way it was my way of trying to protect him from that world. I mean, if I named him Marshall, he wouldn't go out and become one, right?" She chuckled but when she turned to me, I saw the tears in her eyes. "I always knew you could do it, son. I never doubted you would be an excellent Marshal. But you have such a tender, giving, sensitive soul. I guess I was afraid you wouldn't be able to develop a tough enough skin to do this job without damaging the wonderful man you had become."

I opened my mouth to answer her but Mary beat me to the punch. "Elizabeth, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Marshall is one bad ass lawman. There is no one I trust to have my back in the field more than this man. I've never had a partner stay with me for a year before Marshall and here we are going on four. Yes, he drives me crazy with his trivia about everything under the sun and his cartoon pajamas. The man loves his pie and his Star Trek marathons." She paused for breath and laughed at the expression of open disbelief on my face. "He may not look like much on the outside but take my word for it, Elizabeth; he's all that _and_ a bag of chips." Mary leaned over and punched me in the shoulder.

I laughed, still shaking my head in wonderment. Never in a million years, did I think my partner would sing my praises like that. _Must be the drugs, _I mused silently.

"Aw honey," I drawled, "you say the sweetest things."

Her eyes twinkled at me over the rim of her coffee cup. "Back at ya, sugar."

* * *

_**Present Day**_

Mom laughed at the memory of us gathered around that kitchen table. "She really does love you, you know. She wouldn't have defended you like that if she didn't."

"I know Mary loves me, mom. She loves me like a brother, a partner, a best friend. I've never doubted that." The next words had been trapped in my throat for days but I was finally able to force them out. "I just don't know if she is willing to open herself up to the possibility of a lifetime of love with someone; to become true partners for life. And I'm tired of waiting in the wings to find out."

"You've been waiting in the wings for years, Marshall. Why now, huh? Why choose _now_ to run away to Seattle? What's changed?"

I squirmed and shrugged my shoulders. "I told you. She's getting married. Any day now, she and Raph will be setting a date."

"I don't believe you, son. Mary's been engaged for months. There must be something else – something you're not telling me."

"That's the reason, mom. I don't know what else you think it could be."

"So the fact that you and Mary slept together has nothing to do with your leaving town?"

* * *

****Uh oh - she isn't talking about Minnesota, is she? :) **


	7. Chapter 7

**_*Thanks for all the LOVE in reviews I got last chapter! You all inspired me to burn the midnight oil and get this chapter out super fast. Tissue warning for this chapter - Mary has a bit of a meltdown. Spoilers for 'A Fine Meth', 'Stan by Me', and 'Who's Bugging Mary'. Btw, i don't write smut, zest, citrus, whatever you want to call it. This fic is rated "T" and it will stay there. This chapter does contain the flashback of their night but you get to fill in the blanks after the lights go down on our couple. . . .

* * *

_**

_I know a girl  
she puts the color inside of my world.  
But she's just like a maze  
where all of the walls all continually change.  
And I've done all I can  
to stand on her steps with my heart in my hands.  
Now I'm starting to see  
maybe it's got nothing to do with me._

_Oh, you see that skin?  
It's the same she's been standing in  
since the day she saw him walking away.  
Now she's left  
cleaning up the mess he made._

_-Daughters, by John Mayer

* * *

_

"_**Where there is love, there is pain" – Spanish proverb

* * *

**_

_**Present Day**_

"So the fact that you and Mary slept together has nothing to do with your leaving town?"

My eyes widened slightly and I struggled to keep my face passive as my mom's words hung in the air between us. "I'm not sure I understand what you're talking about. There have been several situations over the years of our partnership where Mary and I have been forced to share a bed."

Her lips twitched in amusement before she finally lost the battle and laughed out loud. "Marshall Mann, who do you think you're fooling? I remember very well the year your brothers tried to teach you poker! They were excited how quickly you picked up the basics of the game and that you could read other people so easily. I think they had great visions of you all becoming card sharps or something. But they eventually had to give you up for a lost cause – do you remember why?"

My mouth had gone dry and so I remained mute, waiting for her to continue.

"Jeremy and Scott told me that you would never to be able to bluff. While you had a good poker face, your eyes gave you away every time. Just like now, son." She reached out and put a finger under my chin, forcing my eyes up to hers. "I'm not talking about sharing a bed and you know it. You're a little too late for the birds and the bees talk so let's cut to the chase, shall we? I'm talking about sex."

I winced under her blunt gaze and jerked my chin out of her grasp. "Mom, I'm not talking about my sex life with you."

She sighed. "Well, at least you're not denying it happened."

"What would be the point? You seem to already know that it happened." I paused to clear my throat. "I assume Mary told you."

"You remember telling me that Mary's a very private, guarded person?"

I nodded.

"That's still true even though we have become closer since you got shot last year. She – alludes to things but gives no details. But I will say this much, son. You keep telling me that I don't know all the facts. That I don't know all that's happened these last few months. I would venture to say that's true for you as well. You need to talk to Mary before you leave town. Really talk to her. There are things you don't know, either."

"What the hell does that mean?" I was suddenly angry. Everyone seemed to be siding with Mary and I was getting tired of it. "What things?"

"That's not for me to say – and I don't know all the answers anyway." She shrugged her slim shoulders. "Someone said 'every story has three sides to it: yours, mine, and the facts'."

"Foster Meharny Russell," I interjected softly.

"Mary's right – you do have the most superfluous pieces of trivia in your head. Anyway, I'd keep that quote in mind. I think it applies here." She leaned forward and placed another kiss on my forehead.

I watched in silence as she gathered her sweater and purse before speaking again. "You're leaving? But your flight isn't for another couple of hours."

Mom stood by my bedside with slightly raised eyebrows. "Did I say I was going straight to the airport? Besides, I've given you a lot to think about and I don't think you're going to talk to me about you and Mary anymore, are you?"

I shook my head.

Mom sighed. "I know you're probably thinking that we're all ganging up on you – me and Karen. But it's only because we love you and want to see you happy. You and Mary both." She paused and brushed at something on her cheek.

My heart lurched in my chest. _Oh God, I've finally done it. I've made all the women in my life cry. Can the earth just open and swallow me now, please?_

"I don't think that running away to Seattle is the answer to that happiness. Your father and I didn't raise quitters, Marshall. Promise me you won't leave town without talking to Mary again. You can't leave it this way with her."

I took a deep breath. "Mom, you don't know what you're asking. We've been picking each other apart for months now. I think it might be best to leave things as they are – to stop drawing blood in our fights."

"So, you'll leave things unresolved between you and run away to Seattle?"

"I'm not running away!" _God, please don't let that have sounded as much like the petulant five year old as I think it did._

"If you say so, son. I love you." Mom turned to leave, shoulders slumped slightly in defeat and my final resolve crumbled.

I leaned forward and caught her sleeve. "All right, mom. Before I go, I'll talk to Mary. I promise."

She grasped my hand and squeezed briefly. "That's my boy. I have to run. I'll call you once I land in KC, all right?"

I nodded and she was gone.

I collapsed against the bed, wondering what on earth there was left to say to Mary. We'd never talked about that night with each other and I found it extremely hard to believe that she had brought the subject up with my mother of all people. As much as I'd wanted to talk to someone about it, who could I have turned to? Mary was usually the first person I talked to about everything and she was the one I had slept with. I couldn't tell mom because talking about your sex life with your mother is just – wrong. Dad and I had never had the type of relationship where I could tell him personal things like this. I had wanted to tell Karen and had started to on more than one occasion but she and Mary had forged their own friendship over the years. It would be selfish of me to tell her and ask her not to say anything to Mary. Last but not least I had considered confiding in Stan. He had become my surrogate father over the years, earning much more than my respect. But he was still our boss and for him to know that his two inspectors had crossed that line – no, I couldn't tell Stan.

So, of course, in the end I confided in no one and we never talked about it with each other. But the memory of Mary's skin sliding beneath mine and how she tasted haunted me still. There was nowhere I could run to that would erase the memory of that night.

* * *

_**June 23, 2009**_

As I turned onto my street all I wanted was my bed. It had been an exhausting couple of days. I still couldn't believe the nerve of that jackass O'Conner, breaking down Mary's door in the early morning hours to arrest Brandi for murder. The following investigation had led me all the way out to Newark, New Jersey, and even though I had found the crucial piece of the puzzle I had missed the final dressing down between my partner and the FBI agent. I hoped Mary had handed him his ass on a platter for everything he'd put her and her family through the past three months.

Stan called me the minute my plane touched down in Albuquerque saying that Mary had taken personal time and an issue had come up with one of her witnesses. My pleas that I had just come off a redeye flight and was exhausted fell on deaf ears so off I went to the police station to bail out one of Mary's kids. Johnny claimed he had only been trying to "lift" the CD to impress his girl and of course he didn't think he'd get caught! After I lectured him on the finer points of starting over and not compromising his family's security, I took him home where his father lit into him. I had to stay and defuse that situation for longer than I cared to remember. I grimaced slightly as I realized how close I had come to pulling my gun and firing it into the air to get everyone to shut up. _God, I must be really tired and I think Mary is starting to have a bad influence on me after all these years, _was my thought as I resisted the impulse.

My headlights fell on Mary's probe parked at the end of my driveway and my anxiety level came down several notches as a result. I had assumed that Mary was spending the day with Brandi and Jinx when Stan told me she had left the office. But when I was sitting in the police station waiting to see Johnny my cell phone rang again. It was Brandi, asking if I knew where Mary was. I covered for my partner, saying she was temporarily unavailable. Brandi wanted to make sure Mary was still coming to her dinner party that night. I said I didn't know, I had just gotten back into town but would pass on the message. I spent the rest of the day trying to reach Mary via text message but she never answered me. Seeing her car at my house at least gave me the comfort that she was still alive and kicking.

I swung out of my truck and stood in my driveway for a moment, holding my overnight bag and collecting my thoughts. I was exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally and I was about to walk into another potentially draining situation. I had no idea what to expect from Mary – no idea what frame of mind I would find her in. I flashed back to the last time we were together: on the roof of the Sunshine building. She was crying in my arms, desperately trying to come to grips with the fact that her father had another daughter and never told her. But why was she here now? At one o'clock in the morning instead of home with her reunited family? Had she even gone to Brandi's party tonight?

Knowing I would never get the answers standing outside, I strode up my walk and unlocked the front door. The house was silent and the front room was empty. Dropping my bag on the floor by the sofa I called out to her.

"I'm in your bedroom, string bean."

Raising my eyebrows in surprise, I walked down the hall and leaned against the doorframe. "What's all this? You brought paperwork home with you?" I gestured to the papers spread out on the bedspread.

Mary was sitting cross legged on my bed, with her damp hair pulled into a high ponytail. She was already in her pajamas and she had a pair of my thick wool socks on her feet. On the bedside table were a shot glass and my bottle of scotch, half empty. "Yeah, it's paperwork." She avoided my gaze as she picked up the shot glass and downed the liquid. "Where've you been? I've been texting you for the past two hours."

I whipped out my phone and looked at the display. "Sorry, Mer. Battery must have died when I left the police station. I've been mopping up a situation with the Dimson's – Johnny got arrested today."

Mary jumped to her feet and I noticed that she wasn't too steady on them. I came towards her in concern and she slapped my hands away. "What the hell? Why didn't Stan call me? The Dimson's are my family – what happened?" she demanded.

"Mer, will you just take a breath? Stan did call you, multiple times, but your phone was out of range or something. So he called me. I took care of it. Everything's fine – well, Johnny got several lectures and is being grounded for life but no breaches of security happened."

Mary slumped in relief and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Damn it, Marshall. They're my responsibility."

"Yeah, well, if you'd been there you would have just shot someone and then a security breach would be the least of our worries," I bumped her shoulder, trying to lighten the mood.

She grimaced and reached for the bottle but I placed my hand over the rim of the glass. "How many have you had?"

"Geez, you're not my AA sponsor! I think I know when I've had enough, Marshall," she growled.

I sighed. "Look, it's been a rough couple of days. I just don't think drowning your pain in a bottle is the answer."

"Why the hell not? It works for the rest of my family."

_I'm too tired to deal with this tonight. To deal with a drunk, belligerent Mary. Deep down I know that she's hurt and needs comfort but I don't know if I can give her any._

My thoughts were interrupted by the growling of Mary's stomach. I tried not to laugh knowing it would only infuriate her. "When's the last time you ate something, Mer?"

She was still contemplating the bottle but I wasn't handing over the glass so she sighed and said, "I had a Big Mac meal for lunch."

"It's one o'clock in the morning! What about dinner?" She shook her head. "Come on, I'll see what I can whip together in the kitchen." I pried the bottle from her fingers. "We're done with the drinking portion of the evening."

She watched me silently from the counter as I heated some tomato soup and made grilled cheese sandwiches. I didn't want to take a lot of time cooking something at this hour but I wanted the food to be nourishing and offset the amount of alcohol Mary had consumed.

When I placed the food in front of her on the table, she looked up at me in expectation. "What's to drink?"

"Well, Madame, to complement this gourmet feast we have a lovely bottled spring water or two percent milk. The bar is closed for the evening," I said, affecting a French accent.

"Jackass," she muttered and flounced to the fridge, pulling out two bottled waters. She slammed one down in front of me before resuming her seat across from me.

We ate in silence but when Mary held out her bowl for seconds, she smiled and I knew the food was filling her belly and that her mood was mellowing. I knew that my patience would be rewarded if I waited just a little longer.

"I went to see my father's partner in crime today – in the pokey."

My spoon clattered to the bottom of my empty soup bowl and Mary smirked. "Well, that was not something I expected you to say." I cleared my throat. "What did he have to say?"

She shrugged and played with her water bottle. "He claims that 'suits' came into my father's cell one night and left with him." She raised her eyes to mine and we stared at each other for a few moments.

"So he confirmed what you've been thinking all along – that your father went into Witness Protection."

"If he can be trusted," she shrugged.

"You think he's lying?"

"Not about that."

I nodded. "What else did he say?"

"He said that my father talked about me all the time."

"I doubt he'd lie about that," I pointed out softly. "What else did he say?"

"I asked him if my father had ever been in contact with him. He said no."

I was going strictly off her body language when I said, "You didn't believe him when he said that."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I said the exact same thing when he asked if daddy had been in contact with me."

Her words parted the mist that had been shrouding my brain and I suddenly felt like a missing piece of the puzzle clicked into place. I realized that I had asked the wrong question out on that roof – or rather I had phrased it incorrectly.

I cleared my throat. "Mer, has your father been in contact with you?"

She raised her eyes to mine for the first time since the revelation about her father entering WitSec. They were shiny with unshed tears and full of so many emotions I couldn't catch them all.

"Yes." Before I could speak she continued, "Marshall, I have something I'd like to share with you."

Trying to swallow my sense of dread, I nodded. "Let's put these things in the dishwasher first."

* * *

We were back in my bedroom, sitting on my bed, facing each other. The papers were spread out on the mattress between us and Mary was nervously fingering one page after another.

"These are all letters – from my father."

I didn't know what to say. I had suspected the truth when I saw them on the bed and again a few minutes ago when she said that her father had been in contact with her. But to have proof in front of me from the man who abandoned the woman I loved at the tender age of seven, to raise a baby sister and look after an alcoholic mother – left me with so many conflicting emotions that I didn't know where to begin. The US Marshal inside of me wanted to grab the letters and march down to the FBI office. But Mary loved him despite all these flaws and I couldn't betray her trust in me.

"Before you say anything, please listen to me. I know he's still on the most wanted list. I know that these letters should have been turned over as evidence but there's nothing on them that could help find him, I swear! There's no return address and the postmarks are unreadable. Of course I don't know for sure that there are no fingerprints but I'm sure daddy wouldn't be that stupid as to leave-"

I leaned forward and gently placed my finger against her mouth. "Mary, hush. I'm not going to tell you to turn in your letters. I'm not going to betray the trust you're putting in me by sharing your father with me. I'm honored that you feel like you can."

Nodding in relief she snatched a letter and thrust it into my hands. "Start with this one – he wrote it the night he left."

"Are you sure? I mean, you could just tell me about it," I argued but she pushed the letter harder into my hands and I gave in. "_'__Mary, sweetheart I must leave quickly so this has to be short. If you haven't already been told I've done some bad things and have to go away. You will no doubt hear from some people in the coming months that I am a very bad man. I'm sorry you have to go through this. For what it's worth I don't think of myself as bad just very, very foolish. Please take care of your mother and your precious baby sister. They'll need your strength to make it through the difficult times ahead. Keep this letter hidden in your special hiding place. Yeah, I know about it, it's okay. And whenever you feel down or full of self doubt, read this letter and remember that you are so special and know that I love you more than anything in this world and will hold you close in my heart forever and always. Stay sweet and warm and kind and funny and do great things. A million kisses, the sun and the moon, Daddy._'" I leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her temple. "He loved you very much, Mer."

A couple tears were falling down her face but she furiously wiped them away. "You've got to help me, Marshall. I've been all through Daddy's letters tonight and I just can't find anything about Lauren. Even reading between the lines or looking for what he's _not_ saying, you know?"

I watched in dismay as she began picking up more letters. "Mer, don't do this to yourself."

"Do what? I know he'd find a way to tell me. Look, here's the one he wrote when he heard about my wedding to Mark. And here's the one when I graduated college." She pressed two more letters into my hands. "Of course, we don't know when he started this other 'family' – or I should say when he's supposed to have. But Lauren can't be too much younger than Brandi. Oh God, of course! There's a pretty big gap between my first letter and the one about Mark! Maybe that's when he was off making a new family!" She began scanning one of the letters. I could only assume it was the one that talked about her marriage to Mark.

I grabbed her hands. "Mary, stop this!"

She looked up at me, her eyes wide and unfocused. "What? The man I knew, who loved me forever and always, who told me to stay sweet and warm and kind and funny and do great things would never just turn his back on me and have another daughter without telling me!" Her words were coming faster and faster and growing more incoherent. I was afraid that she was going to hyperventilate.

I gave her a little shake. "Mary, listen to me! Even if Lauren is your sister – your father loved you! He still loves you. These letters prove it. He's gone to a lot of trouble and great risk to himself to keep in touch with you."

She jumped to her feet, eyes blazing. "Well, I never asked him to! He left me! I became a mother at seven to my infant sister while my own mother was passed out on the floor. I had to learn how to cook with nothing more than bread, canned food and crackers! I had to pick my mother up from the bars from the time I was twelve years old – and I had to fend off the men who wanted to accompany us home!" Tears were streaming down her face now and my arms were aching to hold her. "Where was James Shannon then? Bouncing Lauren on his knee? Pushing her on a swing? Kissing her good night? Telling her to stay sweet and grow up to do great things?" As she said the last sentence Mary wrapped her arms around herself and collapsed to the floor, sobbing.

I had never seen her so broken in our six years of partnership. Not even after her nightmare ordeal in that basement. Back then, she had screamed and cried and even collapsed on the office floor. She had complemented me and Bobby D and there had even been moments when I wondered if she was becoming a peace-loving flower child. But she had never crumpled to the floor, wrapped her arms around herself, and sat rocking back and forth and sobbed as if her heart was breaking as she did now. And I had never felt as powerless in my life as I did now. I had no words to help her. The woman I loved more than anything was sitting on my bedroom floor curled into a tight ball, face buried in her knees. _Come on, Mann, actions speak louder than words. She needs your comfort now, not your words._

But I still approached her cautiously, knowing that even in her grief she could lash out at me. I slowly sat next to her, leaning back against my bed and carefully slung an arm around her shoulders. For a moment she stiffened and I held my breath, waiting to see what she would do. Then with loud sigh, she fell against my chest. She wound her arms around my waist and hung on tight. I have no idea long we stayed like that on the floor – I couldn't see the clock from our position. Finally Mary's sobs ceased and her erratic breathing evened out. Her arms loosened but she didn't lift her head.

"So doofus, are we going to spend the night on the floor? Because I don't think I'll be able to move in the morning and your ass is bonier than mine," she whispered.

I chuckled. "Are you checking out my ass?"

She slapped my chest. "In your dreams, crazy man."

I helped her get to her feet and she stared at the letters for a long moment. "Perhaps it's time to lay the past to rest and burn those."

"Don't do something tonight you'll regret, Mer. Sleep on it."

She nodded wearily. "I've got a horrible headache."

"I'll pick up the letters and get ready for bed. Why don't you go into the bathroom, wash your face, and take something for your head," I said softly, brushing some lingering tears from her cheeks.

I was already in bed when Mary joined me. She placed her head on my shoulder and I felt myself drifting off to sleep. Soon I was having the most wonderful dream about my partner – they had been coming with increasing frequency over the years. Her hair was tickling my chin as her gentle hands caressed my face. I sighed and leaned into her touch.

"Marshall," she whispered against my skin.

I moaned softly and opened my eyes just in time to see Mary's face hovering above mine.

"Mary! What are you doing?" I gasped, sitting up and dislodging her position above me.

She reached out a trembling hand and cupped my cheek. "I need you, Marshall. I need you to make the pain go away." And she crashed her lips down onto mine.

_Dreaming, that's it. I must still be dreaming._ It wasn't until her tongue pushed against my lips demanding entrance that I began to doubt that thought. I gasped and suddenly I could taste her: tomato, buttered cheese, scotch, and something that was uniquely Mary. I shuddered in ecstasy even as I pushed her away.

"Mer, this is a mistake. It's been a rough couple of days," I said, repeating my words from earlier and added firmly, "and you've been drinking."

"I haven't had that much to drink." She leaned in to nuzzle my neck and her hands slipped under my T-shirt.

I groaned at the feel of her skin against mine and grabbed her wrists. "Mer, please! We can't do this. You're not thinking clearly. What about Raph?"

She looked at me soberly for a moment. "Marshall, you know all about me. I can't talk to him like I can talk to you." She climbed into my lap and straddled my hips. I swallowed nervously and prayed that she would sit still and not move around too much. "You always ask what I need. No one has ever asked me that before you. No one. I need you. I need you to make the pain go away – just for tonight." She reached down for the hem of her night shirt. I watched with wide eyes as she slowly pulled it up and over her head.

I averted my eyes and tried to look anywhere but at the creamy expanse of skin that my partner had just revealed. "You don't play fair, Mer," I moaned.

She laughed and moved her lips to within a hairsbreadth of mine. I could feel her warm breath on my skin and it was setting my pulse racing. "Oh, but I think you like the game I'm playing, Marshall. It's your call. Are you in or out?"

I let my eyes wander, taking in the view, before shutting them and muttering something under my breath.

"What was that? I didn't quite catch it," Mary licked her lips and wiggled her hips ever so slightly in my lap.

With a growl I repeated my words, louder this time. "Baby, I'm all in."

Mary's laugh turned to a moan as I hungrily pressed my lips to hers, swept my tongue into her mouth, and knocked her back onto the bed.

* * *

_**Um, you guys know that she still gets engaged to Raph after this, right? Yeah, this isn't going to end well. . . .**_


	8. Chapter 8

***We're getting to the end of this one. Keep hankies nearby - still angsty. With the morning after comes . . . regrets. Spoilers for late S2 episodes.

* * *

**

_Seems like just yesterday_

_You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong  
Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on_

_-Behind these hazel eyes, by Kelly Clarkson

* * *

_

_**June 23, 2009 6am**_

I woke up to a pressing weight on my chest and a mouthful of hair. As I blew the long strands out, I glanced down and groaned at the sight that met my eyes. Mary was sprawled across me; her nose nestled against my throat, snoring softly. Her bare chest was pressed to mine and our legs were still tangled intimately together. _Oh God, last night wasn't a dream. _I scrubbed a hand wearily across my face and through my hair. I needed to get up, to put some distance between us so that I could put my mask back in place. Mary shifted in her sleep and I took the opportunity to roll out from under her. I stood next to the bed for a moment, looking down on her in sleep. She murmured softly and clutched a pillow to her side. I slipped into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. It was when I placed water and two aspirin on my night stand that she stirred.

"Marshall? You leaving?"

I reached out and brushed some hair back from her face, noticing that her eyes weren't open. "I'm just going for a run. It's early. Go back to sleep, Mer."

"My head hurts."

"I can't imagine why," I laughed softly. "I left aspirin for you. I'll make breakfast when I get back."

She smiled and buried her nose deeper into the pillow. "Pancakes? With chocolate chips?"

I laughed again and tucked the blankets around her knowing she'd be cold without me. "We'll see."

I left her there with her lower lip stuck out in a pout, wrapped in a cocoon of blankets, as I went for a run in the cool early morning air. The fast pace of my feet kept time with my thoughts. _I can't believe we had sex last night. I know that I've been fantasizing about it for years but I never thought it would actually happen – and it shouldn't have happened. Not like that, anyway. Not when she had been drinking and was in so much pain over her father and Lauren. I may be in love with her but that's no excuse. I should have exercised better control, showed some restraint. After all, it wasn't love on her part – she said as much last night. She needed me to make the pain go away. I'm her best friend, not one of her fuck buddies Talking is what we do best and I have no idea how we're going to talk about this! Mary doesn't talk about feelings, she represses them. I mean, just look at her relationships with other men. She can't talk to Raph about the serious stuff like her father and how it has affected her all these years. Oh God, Raph! She's been with him for over a year now, so I have to assume that she actually has some pretty deep feelings for the guy. Even if what happened was a onetime thing, and I'm assuming it will be, how can it not affect their relationship? Will she tell him? No, Marshall, do not allow yourself to hope, because even if they break up there is no guarantee she will come to care for you. She doesn't love you the same way, remember? Oh God, I didn't tell her I loved her last night, did I?_

My thoughts kept going around and around in a circle in my brain until I got back to the house. Overall, I still felt slightly nauseous for what had occurred last night. Even though Mary had asked for the comfort, I still felt like I had taken advantage of her in her weakened condition. Peeking into my room, I saw that the bed was empty, the aspirin gone, and heard the shower running. I returned to the kitchen to see if I had chocolate chips.

I was just flipping the first batch of pancakes onto a plate when Mary wandered into the kitchen. She was dressed for work already, having found the clothes I had stashed in my closet. As she reached for the coffee, she leaned close to my sweat covered shirt and her nose wrinkled.

"You stink, Emeril."

I arched my eyebrows at her. "That's no way to talk to the chef! No chocolate chip pancakes for you," I teased as I held the platter out of her reach.

Her eyes lit up. "There are chocolate chips in them?"

I snorted. "Of course. But you insulted the chef _and_ stole his shower so I'm thinking I'm not going to share these first ones hot off the griddle."

Mary leaned one hip against the counter, the one that didn't have her glock attached to it, and cocked her head to the side. "Ah, Emeril? Your bacon's burning."

"Damn it!" I pushed the platter into her hands and rescued the bacon that was blackening around the edges.

She sat down with the pancakes and began to pour syrup over the stack. I placed the bacon on the table next to her and she snitched several pieces before looking up at me. "Marshall, about last night-"

I closed my eyes briefly and turned back towards the griddle, plopping more batter onto the hot surface. "Don't worry about it, Mer. You needed me and I helped you out, end of story."

Silence hung over the kitchen like a shroud until I joined Mary at the table with my own stack of pancakes. She waited until I had taken a few bites before grabbing my free hand. "But are we OK? Is this going to affect our partnership?"

I wanted to snort in disbelief but I crammed my mouth full of food instead. _What the hell kind of question is that, Mer? Why would you think that? Just because we slept together, you think I won't be able to keep my hands to myself from now on? Or maybe you're worried that I'll tell Raph about last night? Give me some credit, Mer. I've been doing a pretty damn good job of hiding my true feelings from you for the past few years._

I set my fork down on my plate and met her gaze. "Who do you see when you look at me?"

"What the hell kind of question is that, dufus?"

"I'm wondering if you see me any differently today than yesterday. Now answer my question."

"I see my partner, my best friend."

_But not your lover. Well, you have your answer. It's just not the one you wanted._

I nodded slowly, forcing myself to be upbeat while a hole started to form in my heart "I see the same thing when I look at you, Mer. Last night did happen – but I don't think it needs to affect our relationship." _Unless you want it to, _I added silently.

Mary smiled her dazzling grin that I seldom got to see and it never failed to leave me weak in the knees. "I'm glad we got that settled. Thanks for the pancakes. See you at the office." She gulped down the last of her coffee and got up to put on her jacket.

"Excuse me? I made breakfast as well as your snack last night. It's your turn to clean up."

"Sorry, string bean. I need to visit the Dimson's before Jack goes to work this morning, make sure everyone is still where they are supposed to be. If you want to leave the dishes, I could stop by after work-"her voice tapered off when she saw my look. "I know, you can't leave your kitchen in such a state of disarray! I'll treat you to dinner tonight – anywhere you want to go to make up for it, all right?"

The front door slammed behind her before I could answer, leaving me alone in a dirty kitchen.

* * *

Of course I was lying through my teeth when I said that having sex with Mary wouldn't affect our partnership. How could it _not_ affect it? Every time she brushed against me, leaned over me to read a report or look over my shoulder in the office, I caught a whiff of the scent that was uniquely Mary and I was transported back in time. Back to the one night I was allowed to kiss, touch, and taste my girl. Whenever we got to close to each other now and I had one of these "flashbacks" as I called them, I was usually jolted back to the present by a well placed kick or head slap from Mary. She had begun asking me if I was sleeping OK at night. How the hell was I supposed to answer that question? _No, Mer, I'm not sleeping well at night because the very sight of my bed conjures up images of the two of us together in the most graphic ways._ Ever since we had slept together, I had taken to falling asleep on the couch in the evenings and my back was paying the price.

Slowly, over the next month, the awkwardness and my "flashbacks" during working hours began to fade. My dreams had become intensely vivid, now that I had real life experience to draw from, but when I was around my partner I was more or less 'normal'. I'm sure she had her suspicions what the hell was wrong with me but we never talked about that night. She was going through her own family drama. Raph's mother had come to town and Mary doesn't do well with the whole 'meet the parents' thing. But then she told me her boyfriend had told his mother that they were engaged – which wasn't true! I was flabbergasted – Mary was pissed – and Raph was falling all over himself trying to get Mary to go along with it while mama was in town. Before Mary could tell me what happened at her "engagement supper", I had to accompany one of my witnesses who opted out home to his son's funeral. Bobby D even went with us for extra security. It was a really interesting trip – and it was nice to get out of Albuquerque for a bit and away from the siren call of my partner.

* * *

_**July 27, 2009 11pm**_

As the shot of whiskey burned all the way down to my stomach, I heard the knock on my front door get louder. I knew who was on the other side, and I had no desire to see her. Besides, she had a key and wouldn't hesitate to use it if I didn't answer.

"Marshall! Open the fucking door right now! I have a key, you know."

"Go away, Mary," I shouted. "I don't wanna talk." I poured myself another shot and looked at my ring finger that was still sore, swollen, and slightly purple. I could still see the diamond twinkling on it – Raph's engagement ring. I downed the liquid and threw the glass. It shattered against the wall by the TV with a satisfying sound.

"Marshall? Open the door!" I heard the sound of a key in the lock and the door swung open.

I looked up at her from the couch. "You see? Why should I open the door when you have a key?"

She strode over to the couch and grabbed the whiskey bottle, glancing over at the wall where the shards of my glass lay. "What the hell is going on in here? I think the drinking portion of the evening is done."

I smirked. "Isn't that my line?"

"God, Marshall, you're drunk." Mary's lip curled in disgust.

"Yes, I am. But it's ok because I'm in my own house and I'm not driving." I frowned at her. "Hey, why aren't you out celebrating?"

"What should I be celebrating?" She took a swig from the bottle and wiped her lips.

"You're getting married." I grabbed her hand, pulling her down onto the sofa beside me. "Hey, where's the ring? Eleanor went to a lot of trouble to get it off my finger so you should be wearing it." I was peering at her fingers. "Mer? Why do you have eight fingers?"

She let out a deep belly laugh. "You are so wasted! How much champagne did you drink at my party?

I shrugged. "I dunno. But that's my second bottle of whiskey."

Her eyes widened in shock. "I've never seen you drink so much. Are you OK?"

"Just dandy! I'm mourning the loss of my partner, is all."

"Marshall, I'm getting married, not buried."

"That's funny!" I laughed. "No, be serious now. I'm sad cause you're gonna be Raph's partner now, not mine."

"That's the booze talking, Marshall. I'm always going to be your partner."

"Not like you're going to be his, Mer. I love you," I sighed and laid my head on her shoulder.

"You said that already today. At my party, remember?"

"Yup. Meant it then too. I love you, Mary Shannon." I raised my head and puckered my lips.

She backed away, laughing. "You have no idea what you're doing or saying right now, string bean. You're ass over teakettle! I need to get you to bed so you can sleep it off."

"You taking me to bed, Mer?"

"That's right, cowboy. Lights out for you."

She stood and reached down for my hands, pulling me to my feet. I wobbled unsteadily and she chuckled, looping an arm around my waist, hooking her fingers into my belt loop on the other side. She helped me into bed, removed my boots, badge, and both guns. I felt her hesitation but she finally removed my jeans too, leaving me in boxers and my dress shirt. Whispering good night she turned to leave but I grabbed her wrist.

"Not without a kiss good night, baby."

"You're pressing your luck," she sighed even as she pressed her lips to mine. She gasped in surprise as I pushed my tongue against her lips before she broke the kiss.

"You taste like red velvet cupcakes."

"What?"

"Last time you tasted like tomato soup and buttered cheese and scotch and you," I whispered as I turned onto my right side. "Tonight all I can taste is the chocolate."

* * *

_**August 4, 2009 8:30am**_

I slid my key card through the slot and the door buzzed, allowing me to enter our office in the Sunshine building. I set my coffee and jacket down on my desk and booted up my computer before turning towards Stan's office. I wasn't surprised to see him already there – after all, he was the one who sent me the text asking me to come in early this morning. He was on the phone, pacing back and forth. I hoped that didn't mean we were going to be getting a difficult case. _He_ _couldn't have already heard about the job offer from Seattle, could he?_

I caught his hand waving me in so I picked up my coffee and entered his office. Taking a chair in front of his desk, I waited the few minutes until he hung up the phone, muttering under his breath about the FBI.

Stan sat down behind his desk and stared at me for a moment. "Thanks for coming in early, Marshall."

"No problem. How was the conference?"

"Fine. They stayed awake during my speech, so what more can I ask for?"

I nodded and waited.

"Look, Eleanor filled me in on the tension she's noticed between you and Mary the past few days. Care to catch me up?"

I shifted in my seat. _You mean tell you that Mary violated policy and told her fiancé that she works in Witness Protection? Which, by the way, also exposes me and you?_ "Mary and I are experiencing some growing pains since she announced her engagement to Raphael. Adding him into the mix will prove challenging but will no doubt be something we can work out in time."

"Geez, Marshall, what did you do, rehearse that in front of a mirror ahead of time?" Stan demanded. "Look, I know you have feelings for Mary that go beyond friendship."

I shifted in my seat again. "I don't see what that has to do with the matter Eleanor brought to your attention."

Stan continued as if I had not spoken. "But she's engaged to another man, Marshall, and from what I can tell she intends to marry him. How are you handling that?"

I remained silent.

Stan sighed. "You and Mary are like my own kids, you know that. I can't stand to see either one of you in pain. It's as plain as the nose on your face that you're in pain. I need to know if your partnership can survive when she marries Raph?"

"That's the sixty-four thousand dollar question, Stan. I'm afraid I don't have an answer for you right now."

He nodded slowly. "Is there anything else? Anything happen while I was gone that made things worse?"

_God forgive me for lying to my boss, my friend. _"No, Stan, there's nothing else."

Stan looked like he wanted to argue with me but we were interrupted by Mary. She burst through Stan's door, not even pausing to consider we might be having a private conversation.

"Well, well, well, it looks like we all wanted to get an early start to the day this morning! Welcome back, chief!"

Stan smiled thinly. "Thank you, Mary. Can you give us a minute, please?"

She glanced between us and her eyes dropped. "Private meeting?" and she spun on her heel back out the door.

I sighed. "Now she'll pout for the rest of the day thinking we're conspiring against her or keeping secrets.

Stan waved a hand. "Just tell her we were discussing wedding gifts. Look, Marshall. My door's always open to you as a friend. I hope you know that?"

I smiled and stood. "I do, chief. Thanks."

I went back to my computer and worked in peace for the next half hour. Mary was indeed pouting behind her monitor. For once she wasn't throwing spitballs at me or asking me annoying questions. I was being extremely productive, though I was beginning to wonder where Eleanor was. Stan came out of his office a few minutes later, heading for the door.

"Eleanor's got a flat tire; I'm off to pick her up. Need anything?"

I glanced at Mary who avoided my gaze. "Donuts?"

"You got it." Stan waved and left.

Mary waited for five minutes before she let me have it. "All right, spill it. Why did the chief want to see you this morning?"

"How do you know I didn't ask to see him?"

"Did you?" she asked suspiciously. "Oh God, Marshall, you didn't tell him I told Raph about WitSec, did you?"

I couldn't help it; my rage boiled over. "That's right; Mer. Stan called me in and asked what was with all the tension in the office while he was gone. And I spilled my guts and told him you told Raph about Witness Protection." I slammed my hand down on my desk. "Good God, Mary! I know how to keep a secret, unlike you! Did you tell Raph we had sex too?"

"No, I didn't! Keep your voice down," she hissed.

"Well, why not? You suddenly had an urge to tell Raph the truth about your life and you left that out?"

She leapt from her chair and strode across the office to lean across my desk. "I wanted to tell him about my job, numb nuts! I was tired of lying to him and not telling him about what I do all damn day!"

"Oh that's rich! So you tell him you're in WitSec – never thinking about the fact that you're telling him I am too! And Stan! Do you really think he's going to be satisfied with just that nugget of info, Mer? You think he isn't going to want to talk about it now that he knows?"

"I – I think it will give him some peace of mind."

I laughed. "Seriously? You don't think he isn't at home right now, digging up what your job is all about? Come on, Mer, people are naturally curious. That's why you don't talk about the heavy emotional stuff with him. Because he won't be satisfied with the pat answers; he'll want the long, drawn out explanations and you just want to give the simple ones. Because talking about it opens you up too much, exposes too much, would involve you actually having a committed relationship with someone who loves you. And that scares the shit out of you."

"What the hell are you talking about? Are you talking about Raph and me? Or are you talking about-"she broke off, staring at me in wide-eyed amazement.

"You can't even say the words, can you? Am I talking about you and me? Am I talking about our partnership, the fact that we have all the components of a deep, meaningful relationship including the commitment? That the only thing we're missing in our relationship is the sex? Oh wait, we have that too!"

"Marshall, don't-"

"Don't what? Say how I feel? Fuck that, Mer, I'm sick of hiding. I said the words at your engagement party and you didn't hear them for what they really were because you're scared. The night we spent together meant more to me than you will ever know. I can't believe that you're engaged – and he's a decent guy, even though he knows nothing about you. And I'm pissed as hell that you told him about WitSec, about _us_." I grabbed my jacket from the back of my chair.

"Where are you going? You can't just dump all that in my lap and leave!"

I sighed. "I think we need space, Mer. Please tell Stan I went to see my witnesses and I'll be back later."

"Marshall, wait!" Her cry made me pause but I didn't turn around. "I really do care for you but-"

My eyes fluttered shut as I threw the words over my shoulder. "I never doubted that, Mer."

* * *

_**August 9, 2009**_

Mary and I were extremely busy the next few days following our heated conversation when I laid everything out on the line for her. I figured I didn't have anything to lose – my transfer was in the works and Mary was still engaged. She had made her choice and she was sticking to it.

I knew that Francesca was going to be trouble. She was passionate, fiery, and itching for a cause to support on our soil. She didn't want to stay in the mansion safe house, not while 'her people' were in the slums. She wanted to be closer to them. So she convinced Mary to relocate to a very bad part of town. I didn't want to leave my partner but I did have plans for the evening with Karen and the kids. Mary assumed I had a date and I didn't disillusion her. But I couldn't get the drug runners and pushers from that neighborhood out of my head. No matter how strained our partnership had become I would never turn my back on my partner. Parking down the street where I could keep the house in sight but not be observed by Mary, I pulled out my cell and dialed Karen.

"Hi Kare, it's Marshall."

"You're not coming."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. It's work, Mary needs me."

Karen sighed into the phone. "You get to tell her. I have to be the bad guy with Keith." I heard her set the phone down and call Kate. There was a scuffle and then, "Uncle Mars?"

"Hi, angel."

"When are you getting here? I made cookies all by myself for our dinner tonight for the first time ever well, mommy helped some but I did most of it myself! I won't tell you what kind though you have to wait and see! I know you like pie better but I'm not old enough to make pie yet so I hope you'll like the cookies-"

"Katie!" I finally broke in. "I'm so sorry, I can't make it tonight."

There was a long pause on the other end. "Why?"

"Aunt Mary needs my help at work. I'm sorry, angel, you know I would be there if I could. I would much rather be there enjoying your mommy's cooking and your cookies!"

"Promise you'll come over as soon as you can?" I could practically hear her tears through the phone and my throat constricted.

"I promise, angel. I love you."

"I love you too, Uncle Mars. Bye."

I don't know how long I sat in the car before I saw Mary and Francesca come home from the neighborhood grill and bar. Mary texted me on the way back, asking if I was having fun on my date. I replied and said yes. The women hadn't been back in the house long before I saw one of the gang members approach the house and have a confrontation with Mary on the porch. I picked up my phone and dialed Bobby D. I filled him in and he assured me he was on the way. Watching as Mary pushed the guy off the porch; I grabbed my badge and exited the vehicle at a fast trot.

The next thing I remember is waking up in ICU.

* * *

***Isn't Katie a cutie-pie? She's going to be devastated if Uncle Mars leaves. . . .**


	9. Chapter 9

***2 updates in 1 weekend - I must LOVE my reviewers! It's true - I DO! Tissue alert - Katie finds out Uncle Mars is leaving (*sniff*) and she lets the cat out of the bag at the end of the chapter. Enjoy!*

* * *

**

_Remember all the things we wanted_

_Now all our memories, they're haunted_

_We were always meant to say goodbye_

_Even without fists held high, yeah_

_Never would have worked out right, yeah_

_We were never meant for do or die . . ._

_I want you to know_

_It doesn't matter_

_Where we take this road_

_Someone's gotta go._

_-Already Gone, by Kelly Clarkson

* * *

_

The next thing I remember is waking up in ICU.

I blinked slowly, trying to get my bearings. I had no idea how much time had passed and was starting to panic as I couldn't recall to mind what had happened to bring me here. I could hear a couple of monitors softly beeping and I could hear Mary's voice but it was taking a great deal of effort still for me to focus on what she was saying. Was she talking to someone in the room? Or was she talking to me? I let my eyes flutter closed again so that I could simply focus on her words.

"'Ah!' he exclaimed. 'I can hear a man's voice!' For the past four or five years, Edmond had heard no one speak except his jailer; and, to a prisoner, a jailer is not a man but a living door added to the oak door of his cell and a bar of flesh joined to his bars of iron. 'In heaven's name!' Dantes cried. 'Whoever spoke, speak again, even though your voice terrified me. Who are you?'"

I smiled as the familiar words washed over me. Mary was reading "The Count of Monte Cristo"! And if I was remembering the story correctly, she was several pages into the book. How long had I been here? Knowing that I needed answers, I moaned and opened my eyes again, drawing her attention to me.

Mary nearly dropped the heavy tome in her excitement as she abandoned her uncomfortable chair and perched on the bed beside me. "Well, it's about time, string bean! The nurses have been saying you've been trying to wake up for the past three hours!"

I looked at her face and tried not to wince. She looked like hell. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, and her whole face had a pinched look about it. The hand that reached out to grasp mine was shaking. "How long?" I whispered, the words being forced out of a throat that felt dry with disuse.

"Five days."

My eyes widened. What the hell happened? The last thing I remembered was talking to Katie, saying I couldn't make it to supper and then-

Mary must have sensed my distress. "Breathe, dufus. Do you remember getting shot?"

I jumped and then winced as I felt the pain shoot through my abdomen. "No, what happened?"

"You jumped in front of a bullet meant for me, numb nuts. The case with Francesca? She moved to that cracked out neighborhood? You showed up to provide backup and one of the rival gang members pulled a gun."

I shook my head in frustration. "No, there's nothing there. I remember calling Bobby D when you and some gang member on the porch started arguing. I vaguely recall leaving the car but then – nothing."

Mary nodded. "Not much happened after that – except you getting shot, again."

"Did Bobby catch the shooter?"

She grinned, her bad ass one. "We nailed him, partner. I shot him in the knee and you got him in the shoulder – but there's no doubt that he shot first."

A nurse bustled into the room just then, interrupting us. "Well, Mr. Mann! It's nice to see that you finally decided to join us here in the land of the living. This partner of yours has been plenty worried about you."

Mary grimaced and waved her hand at the nurse. "Oh, he knows better than to die on me – he needs my permission for that." She grinned cheekily at me.

My thoughts flew to the transfer papers on my desk. _I guess I haven't told her about that decision yet. Didn't get your permission for that, Mer._

"Why don't you give all those other people that have been haunting these halls a call and let them know that Mr. Mann's awake," the nurse continued. "I've paged Dr. Spode and I need to check his vitals now."

Mary nodded and released my hand; somewhat reluctantly it seemed to me. "I'll give Stan and your parents a call. Oh! And Karen too- Katie has been nearly inconsolable."

_Oh God! Katie! _Waves of guilt poured over me and I reached out, grabbing her hand in mine again. "Look, Mer. Could you go see Katie for me? Tell her I'm ok and that her Uncle Mars loves her?"

She sighed and glanced at the nurse. "Could you give us a minute?" To my surprise, the nurse complied with the request. Mary perched beside me, and I watched as she lost the battle and tears began raining down her checks. "Marshall, do you know how close you came to dying? You coded in the ambulance. When you arrived at the hospital, your heart wasn't beating. I thought I was going to lose you, that you were leaving me."

"Hey," I said softly, reaching up and brushing away her tears with my thumbs. "I didn't have your permission, remember? I'm still here, Mer, and I'll be here when you get back."

She reached up to touch my cheek in reassurance and I felt the cool metal of her engagement ring against my skin. It had the effect of jolting me back to cruel reality – as much time as she had spent my bedside the past five days, my partner was still engaged to another man. Even in the wake of me fighting for my life, nothing had changed. No epiphany had opened Mary's eyes. It was time to face the fact that she really did love me as a best friend and nothing more. It was time to move on and let her go.

I gently removed her hand from my face and gave it a final squeeze. "Please, Mary. Will you go see Katie? I was supposed to go see her that night."

"I know that, Marshall. Karen and I have spent a lot of time together since. I'll go by her house and then go see your parents. They're staying at your house."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise but didn't say anything, watching instead as Mary gathered her phone and shoulder bag to leave. At the door she paused and turned back. With a hesitant smile she said, "You promise you'll be here when I get back?"

"Where am I going to go?" I quipped. "I'll be here." _For now.

* * *

_

_**Present Day**_

"Well, Marshall, do you have any other questions?" Dr. Spode asked, peering over the top of his glasses at me.

I was standing by the window in my hospital room trying not to tap my booted heel in impatience. I was wearing street clothes for the first time since my shooting and I was literally itching to get out of this place. Dr. Spode had been speaking for the last twenty minutes about restrictions, post op instructions, and medications. As his voice droned on I admit that I found myself not focusing on his words. Stan had brought my laptop a week ago and I had done extensive research on my own. The information Dr. Spode was telling me was not anything I had not found through my own means.

I smiled. "No, I don't think so. Thank you, Dr. Spode, for all your care and help during my recovery."

The good doctor looked genuinely surprised. I gathered that his patients usually had some questions and concerns. "You have no questions? You understand all your restrictions? It is extremely important that you limit your physical activity, increasing it only as your body gets stronger – and absolutely no sex until your stomach muscles have had time to heal."

I tried not to laugh out loud. I mean, how could I explain to my doctor that sex was the last thing on my mind right now? After all, according to statistics the average red blooded American male thought about sex every six seconds. Now if you changed that to how often I thought about Mary, that statistic might be closer to the mark!

"I don't think that will be a problem, doctor. I can still go for walks to build my muscles back up?"

"Yes, but take it slowly at first and don't overdue. I don't want you reopening that wound or straining those healing muscles, understand?"

I nodded soberly and the good doctor left, wishing me a speedy recovery. Turning back to the window, I wondered again who was picking me up and how long I would have to wait to find out. A few minutes later I heard the wonderful pitter pat of feet running down the hall accompanied by Karen's voice.

"Katie! Tommy! We don't run in hospitals!"

I grinned and turned around in time to catch the two fast moving blurs that came at my legs screaming in tandem, "Uncle Mars!"

"Are you surprised, Uncle Mars?" Katie beamed up at me. "I wanted to tell you so bad that we were picking you up but mommy said it was a surprise and if I was a good girl and didn't say anything that I would get a surprise on the way home after we picked you up. So did we surprise you?" She tugged on my pant leg.

Tommy tugged on my other one. "Hi, Uncle Mars! You look so much better than last time I saw you! Do you have a scar? Can I see it? Is it all red and bloody and-"

"Tommy! Katie!" Karen laughed from the doorway where she bounced Jamie on her hip. "You're going to tear Uncle Mars' legs off and you're not giving him a chance to answer your questions." She walked over to me and kissed my cheek. "You are looking much better, brain. You ready to blow this pop stand?"

I groaned. "Like you wouldn't believe!"

My nurse Eve entered the room pushing a wheelchair. "Not without a proper send off, Marshall."

"Oh no, I'm not riding in that."

"It's policy, Mr. Mann. You have to ride."

I looked down at the kids. "How about you ride, Angel? And you too, chief?"

The kids squealed in delight as Karen frowned at me and Eve stated, "It's policy for the patient to ride."

"Oh, all right," I groused as I got into the chair. "But I still need some co-pilots," and I held out my arms for Katie and Tommy.

Karen's exclamation of disapproval was drowned out by their renewed squeals as the kids each took a knee and snuggled into my chest.

Eve laughed as Karen said, "Marshall, they'll hurt you and Eve can't push the chair with all three of you in it!"

Katie sat up quickly, her eyes filling with tears. "Am I hurting you, Uncle Mars?"

I shot Karen a disapproving look. "No, Angel. Uncle Mars is still a little sore sometimes but you can sit on my lap all you want to. I'm fine, I promise."

Katie threw her little arms around my neck and squeezed. "I love you."

"I love you too, Angel."

I heard a sniff from behind me and tilted my head back to look at Eve. "Are we too heavy a load for you?"

"Piffle! Sit back and enjoy the ride. I'll enjoy doing one last thing for my favorite patient," Eve winked and began pushing us out the door, down the hospital corridor as the kids cheered.

* * *

Katie and Tommy of course wanted to play with Uncle Mars when we all got back to my house. Karen had to be the big, bad mommy and burst their balloon. She sent them outside to play and ordered me to take a nap until lunch. I tried to tell her I wasn't sleepy.

She laughed. "I have three kids, Marshall, you really think that line works on me? Get in your room, lie down and close your eyes. I'll let you know when lunch is ready."

"Yes, mom."

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew Katie was shaking my shoulder and telling me lunch was ready. She placed her hand in mine and skipped to the table with me. Lunch conversation consisted of the first day of school, which was tomorrow. Katie was excited to be starting first grade and Tommy would be going to morning preschool. Karen had already gotten their school supplies and they were eager to show me. She had to stop them from leaving the table during the meal to get their backpacks.

"After dessert! You have all afternoon to show Uncle Mars your goodies for school."

"Ok, mom. What time is Aunt Mary coming over tonight?"

My eyes darted to Karen's as her fork clattered against her plate. "Katherine Elizabeth!" she gasped.

Katie clapped a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry, mommy. That was part of the surprise too, wasn't it? But Uncle Mars wouldn't have figured it out anyway because he knows we can't stay overnight and the doctor said he needs someone to stay with him and of course Aunt Mary would stay with him. They are best friends after all." Katie continued to eat her peas as if nothing had happened.

"Good grief, Kare. That child can say more in one breath than anyone I know," I muttered.

"I know. She takes after my mother, I think." Karen sipped her lemonade and murmured over her glass at me, "Are you mad?"

I sighed, not knowing exactly what I was feeling. "It'll be ok, Karen."

She let the subject drop for the moment, probably because of the kids, and I was grateful. Mary was going to be on the night shift – had she volunteered? Or had my mother and Karen pressured her into it?

After lunch I excused myself and went back to my room. I heard Karen set the kids up with a movie in the front room. I wasn't feeling particularly tired so I reached for the guidebook on Seattle I had purchased shortly before my shooting. I was so engrossed in the city's history that I didn't notice Katie come in until she snuggled against my side.

"What are you reading, Uncle Mars?"

My heart was suddenly in my throat, making it difficult to speak. I know that Karen had said nothing to the kids about my moving to Seattle in November. I looked down into the freckled face peering up at me with so much love and my heart broke. Her father had been absent for so much of Karen's pregnancy that they had both insisted I be Karen's backup coach in the birthing process. I went to the La Maze sessions Keith missed and trained to be in the delivery room just in case. And in the end, Keith had been out of town when Karen went into labor two weeks early. I was the one that helped Karen breathe, that heard Katie's first cry and cut the umbilical cord. It was my arms that first held her; and as I walked toward Karen, she asked me how her daughter looked.

"_She looks like an angel," I whispered, placing her in Karen's outstretched arms._

I loved my nephews, Tommy and Jamie. But being there for Katie's birth bonded me to her in a way that I hadn't expected or experienced with her brothers. Now as she looked up at me with innocence and love, I began to have the first severe misgivings about my decision. How could I leave my angel?

I tilted the book down so Katie could see the pictures. "It's a book about the city of Seattle, Washington."

Her cute button nose wrinkled. "Why are you reading that? Are you going on a trip?"

I nodded and silently prayed for courage. "In November."

She reached out and gently fingered the book. "My daddy goes on lots of trips."

"I know, angel."

"Sometimes he goes for just a day or two and sometimes he goes for a long time. You have a book about the city so I think you're going for a long time."

"Yes, Katie, a long time."

She raised teary eyes to me. "How long?"

"I'm moving there, angel. I'm taking a job in Seattle."

"For how long?" she repeated, more insistently.

"I'm moving away, Katie. Albuquerque won't be my home anymore."

"NO!" she leaped off the bed. Karen came running from the other room and silently took in the scene when she saw that no one was bleeding. "Daddy always comes back from his trips and you will too. You said you'd always stay with me." Her lower lip was trembling dangerously.

_Oh my God, it's like I'm looking at Mary all over again._

"Angel-"I swung my legs off the bed and reached for her but Katie backed up.

"You lied to me! You promised! You promised!" Katie whirled and ran into the outstretched arms of her mother, weeping uncontrollably.

Karen straightened, holding her child close to her, rocking her body back and forth, making soothing sounds. "I'll talk to her," she mouthed to me as she walked away.

It wasn't until I was alone that I realized my face was wet with my own tears.

* * *

I don't know what time it was when I woke up. All I know is when I opened my eyes Katie was curled up next to me, fast asleep. Her face was still streaked with tears but my relief at seeing her was immense. I brushed some of her curls away from her flushed cheeks and kissed her forehead before closing my eyes again.

She was gone the next time I woke up. At least I thought she was until I moved my legs restlessly and I heard her say,

"Uncle Mars! Quit that! You're going to mess up the picture I'm making for you."

I rolled over and sat up. Katie was sprawled along the bottom of my bed, earnestly coloring in one of her many books. Relief again flooded through me. Reaching down I picked her up about the waist and cuddled her close amid her squeals.

"Do you know how much I love you, angel? So much! That will never change no matter where I go. You know, one day you're going to grow up and leave me. And I'll be heartbroken. But I'll let you go – because I know it's the right thing to do. But I'll never stop loving you."

Katie had gone very still in my arms, listening to what I had to say. She finally rolled so she could look in me the eyes. "Mommy talked to me while you were sleeping. She said that the reasons you're leaving have nothing to do with me."

"That's right, angel. It's just boring grown up stuff."

Her eyes lit up. "Is it about Aunt Mary? She's been really sad, you know. I think you need to cheer her up. You always know how to make her feel better."

I sighed. "I don't think I can make her feel better this time."

"Well, maybe if I help you, we can both think of something. She's been so sad. You know a couple of days ago mommy and I came over here and she had been sick and was crying and everything. Grandma Elizabeth said things would get better but before I could find out what they were talking about they made me go outside and play."

I frowned. I knew Mary had come to see my mother but Karen had stopped by as well? And Mary had been sick? What was going on with my partner?

Suddenly Katie was bouncing in my lap. "I know how we can make Aunt Mary feel better! I forgot I still had it! She dropped it that morning you know and I picked it up and put it in the front of my new backpack. I meant to give it back to her but I forgot all about. I'll give it back to her tonight and she'll be so happy! I bet she misses it."

"Katie, angel, what are you talking about?" I was completely lost.

"I'll show you!" She bounced off my lap, jumped off the bed and skidded down the hall. I waited impatiently and soon she was back clamoring into my lap with a piece of paper in her hand. She held it out to me.

I paled. "Do you know what this is, Katie?"

"Of course I know what it is, silly! It looks just like the one mommy got when Jamie was in her tummy. Aunt Mary was showing it to Grandma Elizabeth and Mommy the other day when she was crying in the kitchen. And then she dropped it under the table and I picked it up. I bet she misses it, huh? We can give it back to her tonight and she'll be happy. I mean, mommy has all of our first baby pictures in our books." Katie paused for breath. "Uncle Mars, are you OK?"

I nodded weakly and continued to stare at the piece of paper in my hand. It was indeed a sonogram picture – and the name Shannon, Mary was in the bottom left corner. The date and time were stamped in the other.

"Aren't you happy, Uncle Mars? Aunt Mary is going to have a baby!" Katie squealed.

I looked up when I heard a noise in the doorway. I'm sure the shock on Karen's face mirrored mine.

"Katherine Elizabeth!"

* * *

***Out of the mouths of babes . . . LOL! BTW, I used the first and middle name thing as a shout out to my parents - that's how I knew I was in BIG trouble, when the first and middle names came out!**


	10. Chapter 10

_*****_**So here's the final chapter! What happens when Mary comes to dinner? Do our favorite Marshals kiss and make up? (hint: you'll still need a tissue for this chapter, more angst ahead!) Will Marshall still leave?*

* * *

**

_I don't wanna talk  
About the things we've gone through  
Though it's hurting me  
Now it's history  
I've played all my cards  
And that's what you've done too  
Nothing more to say  
No more ace to play_

_The gods may throw a dice  
their minds as cold as ice  
and someone way down here  
loses someone dear_

_The Winner takes it all, by ABBA

* * *

_

"Katherine Elizabeth!"

Katie and I both jumped at Karen's sharp reprimand. My surprise was due no doubt to the fact that I was still staring in shock at the grainy image in my hand.

"Mommy, did I tell Uncle Mars something I wasn't supposed to?" Katie's nose scrunched up in confusion.

Karen crossed the room and whipped the sonogram picture out of my hands so fast I had to look for paper cuts. "Where did you get this picture, Katie Beth? And how did you know Aunt Mary is pregnant?"

"I heard you and Grandma Elizabeth and Aunt Mary talking in the kitchen about her baby. And then when you called me from the back yard and I came in to grab my stuff when it was time to go, I saw the picture under the table and I took it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I forgot! But it has Aunt Mary's name on it right there!" Katie tried to show her but Karen backed away, clutching the picture to her chest.

"How do you know what this is?" Karen demanded.

Katie rolled her eyes. "I know what it is, mommy, because you have ones just like it of me and Tommy and Jamie in our baby books. Aunt Mary must be really sad to have lost it. I want to give it back to her when she comes over tonight to cheer her up."

I was listening with half an ear to Katie's babbling. The date on that picture was stamped in my memory: August 7, 2009. Mary knew she was pregnant before I got shot. How far along was she? Was there a chance that the baby was mine? I shook my head. No, that was crazy. We had only slept together once and I knew that she had an active sex life with Raph. _Once is all it takes, _said a voice in my head that sounded suspiciously like my 9th grade health teacher. I giggled.

Karen's eyes darted to me in concern and she licked her lips. "Sweetheart, Jamie is going to be waking up from his nap soon. Would you be my big helper and go check on your brothers for me?"

"Okay." Katie bounced from my bed and skipped from the room.

Karen waited until she heard the back door open and close before asking, "Are you all right?"

I honestly didn't know what to say. Katie's bombshell had completely blindsided me. I had suspected for awhile now that something was going on with my partner and that my mother and Karen knew something about it. But I never would have guessed in my wildest imaginings that Mary was pregnant.

"Is it mine?"

She didn't flinch and in that moment I knew she knew. She knew Mary and I had slept together and that knowledge could have only have come from Mary. Karen sighed as she sat next to me on the bed.

"I'm not going to answer that, Marshall. I refuse to be caught in the middle of this. You both mean too much to me."

I clenched my jaw and tried not to grind my teeth. "Is it mine?" I repeated slowly.

"That's a question for Mary. You and she need to talk to each other and so help me if you don't do it soon, I'm going to lock you both in a room until you do."

I stared at the wall. "There's nothing to say."

"Good God, Marshall! You just found out your partner's pregnant and you're still going to sit there and tell me there's nothing to say? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Karen, I'm sure the baby is Raph's. Mary is just upset because she's nervous about being a mom; she never really wanted kids, you know. But I'm sure Ramirez will make a decent dad and she'll get used to the idea in time."

A wail sounded from the other room as Jamie woke up and Karen got to her feet. She looked down on me with a pained expression on her face. "I feel like I don't even know you anymore, Marshall. In the past few days you've broken Mary and Katie Beth's hearts, and you don't even see the similarities in their situations. And yes, Mary is scared out of her ever-loving mind about motherhood. But if you think she'll be fine and get used to the idea in time without you by her side, you're a fucking idiot. If you run away to Seattle now when she needs you more than she ever has in her life, then you're not the man I thought you were."

* * *

I stayed in my room for the rest of the afternoon. I'll be the first to admit that I was sulking but I didn't want anyone else to think that; I heard Karen tell Katie and Tommy to leave me alone, that I had things to think about. Katie stuck her head around the corner into my room and waved at me after that before trotting back to the kitchen to help her mom.

"Mommy, Uncle Mars is just sitting in there pouting on his bed."

"I'm not pouting!" I called out but the only response I got was Karen's laughter.

I sighed, realizing my angel was probably right and I needed to get over myself before Mary arrived. If I went out to join them for supper in my current frame of mind, Karen was liable to dump the food in my lap instead of letting me eat it. I was just getting to my feet when I heard the telltale gasping sounds of the Probe dying in the driveway.

"Aunt Mary's here!"

"Katie, you come back here and finish setting the table! Mary has a key and can let herself in. Tommy, have you finished picking up your toys yet?"

"All done, mommy!"

I came and stood in the front of the hallway where I could observe the chaos going on around me. Karen was buckling Jamie into his high chair and Katie was focused on setting forks by the plates on the table. Tommy noticed me standing in the room and came over to hug my leg as the front door swung open and there stood my partner holding two big paper bags with the emblem of Maggie's Pie shop on the sides. _My God, she's glowing. How is it possible that she's already glowing? _Her eyes met mine and we held one of our conversations without words. Her shoulders tensed slightly and in that moment I knew that she knew I knew.

"Here," I said as I moved towards her, "Let me take those bags."

"Marshall, I can manage. And you're not supposed to be lifting anything heavy," her eyes dropped.

"Neither should you," I whispered, reaching for them.

She pulled back from me as if my words burned her. "I've got it!"

"I'll help you, Aunt Mary!" Katie came running from the kitchen.

"Me too!" Tommy piped up.

She looked down at them and laughed. "Hi, rug rats. All right you two both carry this one and then I think I can handle this bag by myself, ok?" she winked as she carefully handed one of the bags to Katie. Between the two of them, Katie and Tommy slowly moved off to the kitchen carrying their precious cargo. Mary took a deep breath and looked up at me.

"We are not discussing this with the kids in the house."

"I think you're a little late, Mer. Katie is the one that found your picture and let the cat out of the bag, so to speak."

She nodded. "I know. Karen called me. But we're not going to get into any details until after they've left, understand?"

Now I was completely lost. Was she trying to say there was a possibility the baby was mine? "Mary, are you saying-"

She gritted her teeth. "Do you understand?"

I nodded woodenly. "I understand."

That meal was one of the most uncomfortable affairs in my recent memory. The children chattered on like nothing was wrong, filling their Aunt Mary in on the events of the day and their expectations of the first day of school. I forced myself to eat but the food tasted like sawdust and sat in my stomach like a stone. I also noticed that Mary didn't seem to have much of an appetite. She pushed the food around on her plate, giving the appearance that she was eating, but I was watching her closely and noticed she only took a few bites. Katie also noticed because towards the end of the meal, she made a comment.

"Aunt Mary, you're not eating very much. If you don't clean your plate, you won't get any pie!"

Karen smiled. "Honey, the clean plate rule only applies to you and Tommy."

"That's not fair, mommy!" Katie cried. "She should at least finish her green beans."

"Yeah, no fair!" Tommy echoed.

"You're right, Katie." Mary sighed. "I will finish my green beans. I'm just not very hungry tonight. I had a big lunch today."

I frowned, wondering if the pregnancy was making her nauseous. While it was called morning sickness, I knew from helping Karen through her pregnancies that the nausea could last all day. As the women cleared the table, I heard Karen ask Mary if she was feeling ok tonight. Mary sighed and said that evenings were still the hardest but her appetite was good earlier in the day. I sipped my water, pretending not to hear but I logged the information away for later. If Mary was going to be staying with me in the evenings, I needed to stock up on food items that would be gentle to her stomach, easy to digest. She would need to eat something and stay hydrated even if she didn't feel like eating very much.

The kids cheered when Mary placed the banana cream pie on the table. It was Katie's favorite and it was her surprise for not telling me who was picking me up from the hospital. I tried not to laugh out loud. Katie had managed to keep that secret – but she had let slip a much more crucial piece of information. Right on cue, Katie piped up.

"Mommy, where is Aunt Mary's picture of her baby? I want to give it back to her before I forget again."

I grinned widely and looked at Mary who was clutching her pie fork so tightly I thought it might actually snap. In fact, she was looking downright green. With a muttered apology, she pushed back from the table and bolted from the room. In a few moments, there came the sound of retching from the hall bathroom.

Tommy made a face. "Ew, Aunt Mary is barfing!"

"Thomas Michael! We don't say words like 'barfing' at the supper table. Please finish your pie," Karen sternly told her middle child as she fixed a steely gaze on me.

I pushed my chair back from the table, snagging Mary's water glass as I left. Knocking softly, I didn't wait for an answer as I gently nudged the door open and walked into the bathroom. Mary was still kneeling before the toilet, her hair surrounding her face like a curtain. Setting the glass down by the sink, I reached down for the wrist that was resting on the seat, the one that had a black hair tie on it. She peered up at me through her hair but said nothing as I removed the tie and gathered her hair into a loose ponytail, securing it in place with the tie. I sat on the edge of the tub and waited. A few minutes later, Mary flushed the toilet, wiped her mouth and sat on the floor. She stretched her long legs straight out in front of her and stared at the closed door.

"Morning sickness is a bitch. And why do they call it morning sickness when it happens in the evening?"

I shrugged. "Probably because for the average woman it does happen in the morning; you just don't happen to be the average woman, Mer."

She smiled weakly. "There's the understatement of the century."

I cleared my throat nervously. "Look, I know you don't want to get into this with the kids in the house but Katie brought the subject up and since we're behind closed doors, I was wondering -how far along you are?"

Mary bit her lip. "Eleven weeks."

My heart dropped to my toes. She was almost three months pregnant? The date we had slept together was burned into my memory for all time and I knew that the timing was about right. _Good God, was it possible?_

"Mer, is it mine?" My heart was pounding in my ears so loud I didn't know if I would be able to hear her response.

She licked her lips and refused to meet my eyes. "I don't know."

Of course she didn't know. She had no doubt slept with Raph around the same time. Hell, she probably went home and slept with him that same night. The very thought made my gut clench.

"Uncle Mars!" Tommy pounded on the bathroom door, causing both of us to jump. "Open up! I gotta go potty and Katie is in your bathroom! I gotta go real bad!"

I reached down to help Mary up. She hesitated before placing her hands in mine, accepting my assistance. I grimaced as the extra weight and bending motion caused my stomach muscles to constrict briefly in pain. But even so, I didn't release her from my grasp as I whispered,

"But it's possible? The baby could be mine?"

Tommy's pounding came again and I moved to open the door. He danced into the room and we moved out into the hallway. As I closed the door, Mary's hand covered mine on the doorknob and I looked up at her.

"Yes, it's possible."

* * *

An hour later we had the house to ourselves. Katie didn't want to leave me; Karen had to come back into the house after she had loaded the boys into the mini-van and physically extricate her from my arms. Amid her sniffles I tried to reassure her that I would see her tomorrow when she got home from school and that she could tell me all about it. That was enough to at least put a smile on her face and she waved to us over her mother's shoulder on the way out the door.

"You told her you were leaving."

Mary was curled up on the sofa under my mother's afghan, looking very much like a small child herself. Her eyes flashed angrily at me as her words pierced the air between us.

"I had to tell her sometime."

"I suppose, but the day you came home from the hospital? Geez, Marshall, I thought you had more tact than that. Still, might as well let her know now that her second father is abandoning her. She better get used to disappointment – life is full of them."

I thought I was the one who was going to be sick now. Karen's words from earlier in the day rung in my ears: Katie and Mary were so similar, why did I just now understand this? Both of them thought I was abandoning them. I had spent time with Katie this afternoon convincing her of my love and that I wasn't abandoning her, that I would always be involved in her life. Could I convince Mary of this as well? But then, wasn't I leaving Albuquerque to severe my ties with her? To start over, break free? As I looked at her sitting curled up on my couch, looking small and vulnerable, I realized that I could never cut Mary out of my life entirely. Not when I had promised to stay. Not when she was now carrying a child that might be mine.

I sat on the other end of the couch and waited for her eyes to meet mine. "Mary, I'm not abandoning Katie or you. I'm just moving to a new city. You know where I'm going and how to reach me. You can come visit me and I'll come visit you. It's not like I'm dropping off the face of the earth. I'm not your father."

"Don't you dare play that card with me, Marshall! You promised to stay, and you're leaving. You promised you were different and you're not. So far you're 0 for 2."

I took a deep breath and decided to try a different approach. "Mer, you're building a new life with Raph as your lifelong partner. He's the one you need to share your fears, hopes, joys, and sorrows with; he needs to be first in your life now. You know as well as I do that he's always been a bit jealous of our relationship. We've got too much of a history together for me to stay on as your partner after your marriage."

"But now there's a baby in the picture, string bean! And Peanut could be yours," Mary sniffed as a few tears escaped her eyes.

"Peanut?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"That's what I call the baby. That's what I thought the baby looked like the first time I saw it on the sonogram," she shrugged.

"Well, it's a better nickname than Squish," I laughed and she glared at me. She brought a hand from under the afghan and clasped my knee.

"Marshall, I know you're in love with me." She paused and I squirmed. "And I know you already love Peanut, simply because the baby is a part of me. Won't you reconsider staying in Albuquerque? I don't know how to do this without you. I don't think I can"

I broke away from her touch and slowly began to pace. "Mer, you don't know what you're asking of me. If you truly understand the depth of my feelings for you, how can you ask this of me? You're still engaged and that baby you're carrying might be his! You're asking me to stay and what? Watch you get married? Watch you grow heavy with child? Help you through the cravings and the heartburn and the gas and the childbirth classes knowing all the time that this baby might not be mine? Be with you in the delivery room and fall in love with a child that I desperately want but in the end look down into her chocolate eyes and see Raphael instead? You and Karen and mom are asking a hell of a lot from me! I'm tired of giving and giving and giving to you, Mer, and getting nothing but friendship in return. Don't I deserve some happiness? Someone who looks at me in adoration and love? Someone who will share my life and bear my children? Maybe that someone is waiting for me in Seattle." I took a deep breath, pausing to wipe the tears that were coursing down my cheeks. "I'm sorry; Mary, but you're asking for more than I can give this time. If this child turns out to be mine then of course I will support and love him or her and be actively involved in their life. And I'll be here to help you for the next two months until it's time for me to leave."

The sound of her quiet sobs followed me until I shut my bedroom door.

* * *

_**2:33am**_

I was just getting back into bed from the bathroom when I heard her. She was screaming my name, louder than the time she had nightmares after I got shot on the case with Horst. My gut clenched and I had to fight the urge to run to her side. Karen had made up the bed in my office and I had seen her retreat in there after our earlier discussion that left her in tears before I went to bed. I grimaced knowing that if she had called Karen tonight, I was going to get an earful in the morning.

I had just swung my feet back up into bed when I saw the hall light come on and heard her shuffle down the hall past my door. I lay there in the dark and listened as she rummaged about in my kitchen for a few minutes. Finally, my curiosity got the better of me and I got up to see what she was doing. I heard her voice before I came around the corner. _Oh_ _God, is she talking to Karen right now? I am so screwed!_ But as I peered around the corner, staying out of sight, I saw that she wasn't on her cell phone. Who was she talking to – herself? Suddenly, I smiled as I realized she was talking to her unborn child.

"Are you happy, Peanut? I fucking hate bananas! And I don't like cream pies – they're too sickly sweet. But what am I hungry for in the middle of the night? That's right, banana cream pie – and I don't think I'm the one ordering it. Oh no, this is your order, Peanut. Pie seems to be on the very short list of foods that don't come right back up." She finished cutting an enormous wedge of pie and slid the pan back in the fridge. She turned towards the table with her midnight snack and I got the first glimpse of her face: the tear tracks still evident and eyes that were red rimmed.

"You should really start watching your language around the baby, Mer," I admonished softly as I entered the kitchen.

She jumped and the pie nearly slipped off her plate. I closed my hands over hers before her sweet confection ended up on the floor. "Geez, Marshall, don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Hey, it's my house, remember?"

She rolled her eyes and sat down at the table as I moved to get myself a glass of water. I turned as I heard her moan. "Good pie?"

"This pie is un-fucking-believable! And I can't believe I'm eating it - I hate bananas!'

"Language, Mer. And what's wrong with bananas? I love bananas."

She raised her eyes to mine as I joined her at the table. "I know you do. So does Peanut."

I nodded and sipped my water. _It doesn't mean anything, it's just a craving. Her body is probably low on potassium, is all. _"Have you started taking your prenatal vitamins?"

"When I remember," she mumbled around a mouthful of pie.

"How often is that?"

"They're really hard to swallow – have you seen the size of those horse pills?"

"Mary, you need to take them every day. Peanut needs them."

"Yes, Doctor Mann," she groused.

"Wrong brother, and that's not his specialty."

She smirked as she scooped up a stray piece of banana with some whipped cream.

I ran a finger over the rim of my glass. "Um, Mary? Is there a way to establish paternity before the baby is born?"

Mary kept her eyes on her pie as she answered me. "My doctor said that she can insert a needle into my uterus and draw out some tissue cells for testing. Or I can wait another couple of months and she can draw some amniotic fluid and test that. Of course I would need DNA samples from you and Raph."

I paled at the thought of needles going into her stomach, invading her womb, invading my – _her _baby's protected habitat. "What's the risk to you and Peanut?"

"I would be fine – there's a slight chance of cramping, leaking of amniotic fluid, and the possibility of – miscarriage."

I shook my head. "Then we wait. I assume there's no risk to the baby if the test is performed after birth?"

"No, it's a simple matter of drawing blood then." She paused and looked up at me, smiling faintly. "I had already decided to wait, Marshall. I wasn't going to risk Peanut's health. But I'm glad you agree with my decision." She resumed eating her pie and soon nothing was left on her plate but crumbs.

"So, was I the last to know?"

Mary shook her head. "Raph doesn't know yet. He's still out of the country, visiting his mom."

I frowned. "I thought you two had some big argument on Labor Day. I just assumed he was back in town."

"We did but that was over the phone. No, he's not due back until next week. I – uh, didn't want to tell him over the phone."

"And he doesn't know we slept together."

"No."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"He deserves to know that he may not be the father of this baby."

"Should be a fun conversation." She glared at me as I tried to hide my grin. "So, does Stan know?"

Mary sighed. "No, but I'm going to have to tell him soon. Eleanor suspects something and I can't button half of my work pants anymore. Karen lent me a couple pairs of her old ones and is taking me shopping this weekend."

"What, you don't want to go shopping with Jinx and Brandi?"

She ran a hand through her hair. "God, Marshall, you should see them. Those two are driving me nuts! Of course Jinx figured it out first, which wasn't hard considering I'd been puking my guts out for three nights in a row. She didn't buy the food poisoning excuse. She claimed that she was exactly the same way with me and Brandi. She's so excited to be a Grandma! And Brandi can't stop laughing that I got 'knocked up' when I was using protection and have always been so anti-children. She thinks it's hilarious." Mary hiccupped. "Meanwhile my breasts are sore and my emotions are so out of control that I don't know whether I'm going to laugh hysterically or dissolve in tears. That's great for the witnesses."

I reached across the table and grasped her hand. "Hey, I'm on the mend and I'll be back soon to pull my own weight in the office."

She pulled away from me and got up to put her plate in the sink. "Not for long, remember? Only until November. God, I'll be really showing by then."

I swallowed. "Well, I'll train my replacement so well you'll never miss me. I'll give him or her full courses in Star Wars and New Mexico trivia and it will be like I'm still there."

"God help us all," she smiled but I noticed it didn't reach her eyes.

"It's late and you have to work in the morning. You and Peanut need more sleep."

She nodded and we parted ways at my bedroom door.

I had just settled back into bed when I heard the floorboard creak and I felt her presence in the doorway. I cracked open one eye and there she stood, swathed shoulder to foot in my mom's afghan.

"You're not getting into bed with me, Mer." I grunted and shut my eye again.

I felt her approach the bed. "I need to feel you breathing tonight."

_Her nightmare. _I had no doubt that she had dreamt I had died in her arms and she once again needed the comfort of my arms around her, to feel my heartbeat next to hers, my breath in her ear. Was it any wonder I needed to escape to Seattle – because I was powerless to deny Mary Shannon anything.

"Well, since you already have your own blanket," I teased as I rolled to my side and lifted up my arm. She lay down in front of me, pressing her back to my front. I draped my arm around her waist and rested my chin above her head. "You know, I don't think you can feel me breathing through the thickness of that afghan."

She giggled. "But once you fall asleep, I'll be able to hear you snore."

I grunted. "I've never thought of snores as comforting before."

"Well, they are." She sighed and tucked her head deeper into my pillow.

"Interesting – but I don't snore," I murmured sleepily.

I felt more than heard her laughter. "Oh yes, you do, partner."

Our combined warmth had me dozing in no time. I was slipping in and out of consciousness but I found I could still hear Mary's voice, much as I could when I was coming to in the hospital.

"Marshall, I don't know if you're still awake or not, but I'm going to say this now anyway. I made you a promise too that night when you promised not to leave me. You haven't brought it up but I just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten it. I promised to treat you with more respect. I know that I've broken that promise time and time again. I've been nothing short of horrible to you – downright bitchy in fact. If it's time for true confessions, then I'll admit I don't know why you've stayed with me as long as you have except that you must love me. Deep down I knew that and I've taken advantage of you over and over again. What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry – for everything. And I want you to know that I'm not going to let you go to Seattle without a fight. Peanut and I need you. I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you here in Albuquerque with us." Mary lifted my hand from her waist and placed a kiss upon the back of it. She returned my hand to her waist, covering it with her own.

I tightened my arm around her waist and murmured sleepily. "Those are fighting words, Mer. But that's all they are – words. Your actions over the past six years of our partnership speak louder than a bunch of pretty words."

"I meant every word I just said, Marshall. Actions do speak louder than words - and I have two months to convince you to stay. And I'll do it, no matter what it takes."

* * *

***And so ends Marshall's journey - he's still determined to leave. But Mary's journey is just beginning. Will she convince Marshall to stay? What happens when Raph finds out about the baby and the fact that she slept with Marshall? What happens when Stan finds out? **

**All these questions and MORE will be answered in the sequel coming soon called: "Whatever it takes"  
**


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